Profile for mediocre:
Hellooo ladies!!!111oneone
I'm dutch, male and thirsty. I have nice teeth.
On 8th July 2003, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented the Internets.
"A lot of people think that it is older than that, but I just spread that rumour so that I wouldn't get arrested by all of the record companies for letting everyone steal their musics and shit!" said the crazy forrin.
"I invented the Internets so that I had somewhere to get to everyone in the world with my mind controlling lettuces with handles without arousing too much suspicion. SOON YOU WILL ALL BE MINE!" said the Dyke building, Celery Fondling (as shown in this picture) Batshit crazy Frisian.
In 1986, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre got a job at Nasa.
"I had been watching Button Moon on my Telly box and that Mr Spoon was really getting on my nerves, the freakish little nutter!"
"So I built this rocket ship out of some old fruitellas and a cigar case and went up there. Turns out that they aren't real, and all I found in space was loads of fucking Clangers and Bucky O'Hare. I was well pissed off. Which is why I turned Bucky green, and ripped out those little Clanger bastards voiceboxes, replacing them with the thistle whistles I had nicked Angus and Elspeth in Scotland the week before!" the demented Edam molesting Clog hopper said.
In the year of our lord, Wednesday, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre travelled all the way to Pakistan just for shits and giggles.
"I was bored during my lunch hour, so I hijacked an Eskimo Inuit who was visiting Amsterdam and drove him all the way to Islamabad," said the batty snooker ball enthusiast.
"When I got there, I shouted at some of the locals for a couple of minutes and walked back. I made it back to work in time to start my afternoon celery fondling, but I forgot to get any lunch so I was proper hungry until I got home and my manservant had made me some cockaleekie soup. I spilt some though and it burnt my balls. It kind of turned me on if I am honest" said the vegetable violating Dutchy.
In 1822, the Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented Fences.
"My neighbours were getting a bit annoyed when they were out in their garden and I was doing my morning exercises, which unfortunately entailed weeding my flowerbeds completely naked apart from a pair of Dame Edna Everage glasses balancing on my todger, like my cock was a nose," said the windmill painting, edam collection fruitloop!
In 1939, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre tripped over and landed in a bowl of hot washing. “It was really annoying,” said the maniacal creator of worlds, “I used to be 6 foot tall, but now, and what a lot of people don’t know, is that I am only actually 171/16 inches tall.”
“I was so pissed off with the cunting laundry that I decided to wage war on Poland. I was actually with my mate Adolf at the time. He said that I should calm down and sleep on it, but I was so enraged that I told him to fuck off. In retrospect, that was a bit harsh as he was a lovely man, and had only just got a new tattoo. It was of a Sanskrit word meaning Lucky.
"Anyway, as I was so little, nobody saw me start it all, so they blamed poor old Adie. Oh well...."
In 1892, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre
created General Francisco Franco. "I went on my holidays to Madrid to shout at the silly Spanish people", said the pot smoking weed monkey, "I've always hated those bloody trade unions, ever since one of them beat me in a game of Pogs and stole my favourite Kini. It was metal and had a picture of Spike Milligan on it."
"Well, that pissed me off a great amount, so I invented General Franco and groomed him for power. When he won, I made him suppress all those commie bastards."
"That will teach the bastards for stealing my Kini!" said the psychotic fruit bonker!
In 1927, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre made the first transatlantic phonecall. "My best friend had moved from Rotterdam to New York and I missed him very much, so I tried to phone him so that we could play telephone Connect 4. Unfortunately for his sister, she answered the phone. I had always had a bit of a thing for her, so I decided there and then that I would invent heavy breathing. I was so perverted that I actually caused her head to spontaneously pop off her shoulders, do a 1080 degree spin, and land on her shoulder, where it remains to this day. After that, I made myself a big mug of bovril and watched Thomas the Tank Engine" said the psychotic clog hopper.
Go on, mail me at: steef [ateasesoldier] mediocre [dotmatrixprinter] nl
www.whatareweyourphotoshoppingbitches.com
OMGROFLEWTFBLOGTIME!
I listen to these musics
My Flickr account
In 1746, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre discovered Bed Sheets. "My mattress was all uncomfortable and shit, so I went for a walk in the Jungles of Borneo to clear my noggin," said the dangerous nymphomaniac, "whilst I was trying to teach the local pygmies how to play Pick Up Sticks and Kiss Chase, they all grouped together and threw this woven sheet of banana leaves over me. That gave me the idea you see...."
***
In 1786, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented Space. "I was a bit fucked off with just looking up and seeing nothing for so long," said the dangerously mental Clog wearer,"so I invented space, and stars, and all that kind of shit. After I had finished I had quite a lot of plaster of paris left over, and some steel rods so I built this little place called Lithuania. Turns out now that there are loads of people living there. I only built it because I was off my tits on Mescaline."
***
In 1983, the Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented Grand Prix Racing. "You see," the terrifying sociopath said, "there was this fella in a bar one day who sat down in my favourite seat. I found out that his name was Ayrton Senna, and I wanted to find a way that I could off him and no-one would ever suspect me. So I invented Grand Prix and waited. 11 years later, I put a banana skin on the Tamburello corner at Imola."
"That will teach the bastard for stealing my seat!"
***
In 1991, the dutch inventor Mediocre was found in a compromising position with a Wheelchair.
"It was love at first sight!" said the sicko Mediocre.
***
Dutch inventor Mediocre,
was made illegal in 17 countries, and 34 of the American States in 1998.
In 2004, North Dakota retracted the ban, however it proved a sever misjudgment only 6 hours later when he was found fondling raccoons on the waters edge of Lake Sakakawea.
***
Sadly, it was even more tragic for the people of
the state of Delaware. On arriving in the present town of Lewes, the Dutch inventor Mediocre screamed at the top of his lungs, "Zwaanendael", before going on a rampage through the city with an oddly shaped Turnip. Resulting in the obliteration of the entire May Fly population of Delaware, along with the death of 17 skunks, a rabbit and the famous delawarean inventor of medical procedures, Henry Heimlech.
***
In 1975, the Dutch inventor Mediocre was born to Steven McHurdengirder and a dromedary camel.
In 2001, he travelled to Scunthorpe, where he attempted to overthrow the local council, claiming that as his fathers name contained the word Girder, he was entitled to sole use of the nickname of The Irons.
He was arrested and sent to prison on Jupiter. It was whilst there that he created the big eye of Jupiter.
"I was having my tea, and I accidentally knocked over my Cherry Cola," said the lunatic forrin!
***
In 1984,
the Dutch inventor Mediocre travelled to Alaska in an attempt to disprove the existence of Salmon.
"I always thought that there could not exist such an effeminate looking fish. I mean, the thing is Salmon Pink for christs sake!"
When he got there, he had sex with Sarah Palin and was subsequently instrumental in her rise to power, through exploitation of his shady network of anthropomorphised woodland creatures.
He is a dangerous man.
***
In April 1586, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre was born. As soon as he was flung into this world from the catapult he had built in his mothers vagina, every bell in the world chimed, resulting in a sound so horrendous, it made even Pete Waterman's ears bleed!
***
(Thanks to Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! for these texts and images. I've been cheeky enough to post them here without his permission. But he'll never find out anyway. Also, there's a drawing by k3b/-\b)
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Hellooo ladies!!!111oneone
Welcome to Dutch Inventor Mediocre's Love Den
I'm dutch, male and thirsty. I have nice teeth.
On 8th July 2003, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented the Internets.
"A lot of people think that it is older than that, but I just spread that rumour so that I wouldn't get arrested by all of the record companies for letting everyone steal their musics and shit!" said the crazy forrin.
"I invented the Internets so that I had somewhere to get to everyone in the world with my mind controlling lettuces with handles without arousing too much suspicion. SOON YOU WILL ALL BE MINE!" said the Dyke building, Celery Fondling (as shown in this picture) Batshit crazy Frisian.
In 1986, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre got a job at Nasa.
"I had been watching Button Moon on my Telly box and that Mr Spoon was really getting on my nerves, the freakish little nutter!"
"So I built this rocket ship out of some old fruitellas and a cigar case and went up there. Turns out that they aren't real, and all I found in space was loads of fucking Clangers and Bucky O'Hare. I was well pissed off. Which is why I turned Bucky green, and ripped out those little Clanger bastards voiceboxes, replacing them with the thistle whistles I had nicked Angus and Elspeth in Scotland the week before!" the demented Edam molesting Clog hopper said.
In the year of our lord, Wednesday, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre travelled all the way to Pakistan just for shits and giggles.
"I was bored during my lunch hour, so I hijacked an Eskimo Inuit who was visiting Amsterdam and drove him all the way to Islamabad," said the batty snooker ball enthusiast.
"When I got there, I shouted at some of the locals for a couple of minutes and walked back. I made it back to work in time to start my afternoon celery fondling, but I forgot to get any lunch so I was proper hungry until I got home and my manservant had made me some cockaleekie soup. I spilt some though and it burnt my balls. It kind of turned me on if I am honest" said the vegetable violating Dutchy.
In 1822, the Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented Fences.
"My neighbours were getting a bit annoyed when they were out in their garden and I was doing my morning exercises, which unfortunately entailed weeding my flowerbeds completely naked apart from a pair of Dame Edna Everage glasses balancing on my todger, like my cock was a nose," said the windmill painting, edam collection fruitloop!
In 1939, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre tripped over and landed in a bowl of hot washing. “It was really annoying,” said the maniacal creator of worlds, “I used to be 6 foot tall, but now, and what a lot of people don’t know, is that I am only actually 171/16 inches tall.”
“I was so pissed off with the cunting laundry that I decided to wage war on Poland. I was actually with my mate Adolf at the time. He said that I should calm down and sleep on it, but I was so enraged that I told him to fuck off. In retrospect, that was a bit harsh as he was a lovely man, and had only just got a new tattoo. It was of a Sanskrit word meaning Lucky.
"Anyway, as I was so little, nobody saw me start it all, so they blamed poor old Adie. Oh well...."
In 1892, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre
created General Francisco Franco. "I went on my holidays to Madrid to shout at the silly Spanish people", said the pot smoking weed monkey, "I've always hated those bloody trade unions, ever since one of them beat me in a game of Pogs and stole my favourite Kini. It was metal and had a picture of Spike Milligan on it."
"Well, that pissed me off a great amount, so I invented General Franco and groomed him for power. When he won, I made him suppress all those commie bastards."
"That will teach the bastards for stealing my Kini!" said the psychotic fruit bonker!
In 1927, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre made the first transatlantic phonecall. "My best friend had moved from Rotterdam to New York and I missed him very much, so I tried to phone him so that we could play telephone Connect 4. Unfortunately for his sister, she answered the phone. I had always had a bit of a thing for her, so I decided there and then that I would invent heavy breathing. I was so perverted that I actually caused her head to spontaneously pop off her shoulders, do a 1080 degree spin, and land on her shoulder, where it remains to this day. After that, I made myself a big mug of bovril and watched Thomas the Tank Engine" said the psychotic clog hopper.
Go on, mail me at: steef [ateasesoldier] mediocre [dotmatrixprinter] nl
www.whatareweyourphotoshoppingbitches.com
OMGROFLEWTFBLOGTIME!
I listen to these musics
My Flickr account
In 1746, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre discovered Bed Sheets. "My mattress was all uncomfortable and shit, so I went for a walk in the Jungles of Borneo to clear my noggin," said the dangerous nymphomaniac, "whilst I was trying to teach the local pygmies how to play Pick Up Sticks and Kiss Chase, they all grouped together and threw this woven sheet of banana leaves over me. That gave me the idea you see...."
***
In 1786, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented Space. "I was a bit fucked off with just looking up and seeing nothing for so long," said the dangerously mental Clog wearer,"so I invented space, and stars, and all that kind of shit. After I had finished I had quite a lot of plaster of paris left over, and some steel rods so I built this little place called Lithuania. Turns out now that there are loads of people living there. I only built it because I was off my tits on Mescaline."
***
In 1983, the Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented Grand Prix Racing. "You see," the terrifying sociopath said, "there was this fella in a bar one day who sat down in my favourite seat. I found out that his name was Ayrton Senna, and I wanted to find a way that I could off him and no-one would ever suspect me. So I invented Grand Prix and waited. 11 years later, I put a banana skin on the Tamburello corner at Imola."
"That will teach the bastard for stealing my seat!"
***
In 1991, the dutch inventor Mediocre was found in a compromising position with a Wheelchair.
"It was love at first sight!" said the sicko Mediocre.
***
Dutch inventor Mediocre,
was made illegal in 17 countries, and 34 of the American States in 1998.
In 2004, North Dakota retracted the ban, however it proved a sever misjudgment only 6 hours later when he was found fondling raccoons on the waters edge of Lake Sakakawea.
***
Sadly, it was even more tragic for the people of
the state of Delaware. On arriving in the present town of Lewes, the Dutch inventor Mediocre screamed at the top of his lungs, "Zwaanendael", before going on a rampage through the city with an oddly shaped Turnip. Resulting in the obliteration of the entire May Fly population of Delaware, along with the death of 17 skunks, a rabbit and the famous delawarean inventor of medical procedures, Henry Heimlech.
***
In 1975, the Dutch inventor Mediocre was born to Steven McHurdengirder and a dromedary camel.
In 2001, he travelled to Scunthorpe, where he attempted to overthrow the local council, claiming that as his fathers name contained the word Girder, he was entitled to sole use of the nickname of The Irons.
He was arrested and sent to prison on Jupiter. It was whilst there that he created the big eye of Jupiter.
"I was having my tea, and I accidentally knocked over my Cherry Cola," said the lunatic forrin!
***
In 1984,
the Dutch inventor Mediocre travelled to Alaska in an attempt to disprove the existence of Salmon.
"I always thought that there could not exist such an effeminate looking fish. I mean, the thing is Salmon Pink for christs sake!"
When he got there, he had sex with Sarah Palin and was subsequently instrumental in her rise to power, through exploitation of his shady network of anthropomorphised woodland creatures.
He is a dangerous man.
***
In April 1586, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre was born. As soon as he was flung into this world from the catapult he had built in his mothers vagina, every bell in the world chimed, resulting in a sound so horrendous, it made even Pete Waterman's ears bleed!
***
(Thanks to Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! for these texts and images. I've been cheeky enough to post them here without his permission. But he'll never find out anyway. Also, there's a drawing by k3b/-\b)
Recent front page messages:
After the initial success of the palm tree and the world map
the Dubai engineers got a little carried away
(Sat 12th Nov 2005, 16:26, More)
the Dubai engineers got a little carried away
(Sat 12th Nov 2005, 16:26, More)
Best answers to questions:
» God
Jesus backfire
So, when my parents had to decide which infant school I was going to be in, my mother, who was raised somewhat religiously, got her way by sending me off to a catholic school.
One year later, my father, who isn't religious at all, got his way by sending me to a public primary school.
The reason? When my parents told me to finish my plate, I reportedly cried: "You're not the boss! Jesus is the boss!"
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 13:45, More)
Jesus backfire
So, when my parents had to decide which infant school I was going to be in, my mother, who was raised somewhat religiously, got her way by sending me off to a catholic school.
One year later, my father, who isn't religious at all, got his way by sending me to a public primary school.
The reason? When my parents told me to finish my plate, I reportedly cried: "You're not the boss! Jesus is the boss!"
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 13:45, More)
» Food sabotage
While still in school
I posted myself next to the coffee machine that also made tea, hot chocolate and soup.
During about half an hour, I told everyone who wanted something from the machine that the caretaker told me to inform them that he didn't fill it properly. He was supposedly now in the back making a sign to put up on the machine.
Thus, if you wanted a tea, you'd have to choose the soup. And if you wanted coffee, you'd have to press for hot chocolate, et cetera.
Sure enough, about three quarters of the people walked away with the wrong hot beverage.
I thought I was really cunning at the time.
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 16:02, More)
While still in school
I posted myself next to the coffee machine that also made tea, hot chocolate and soup.
During about half an hour, I told everyone who wanted something from the machine that the caretaker told me to inform them that he didn't fill it properly. He was supposedly now in the back making a sign to put up on the machine.
Thus, if you wanted a tea, you'd have to choose the soup. And if you wanted coffee, you'd have to press for hot chocolate, et cetera.
Sure enough, about three quarters of the people walked away with the wrong hot beverage.
I thought I was really cunning at the time.
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 16:02, More)
» Best Films Ever
Auch Zwerge haben klein angefangen
(Even dwarfs started small)
Wonderfully disturbing.
To quote IMDB:
'The inhabitants of an institution in a remote country rebel against their keepers. An allegory on the problematic nature of fully liberating the human spirit, as both commendable and disturbing elements of our nature come forward. The allegory is developed in part by the fact that the film is cast entirely with dwarfs.'
(Fri 18th Jul 2008, 21:26, More)
Auch Zwerge haben klein angefangen
(Even dwarfs started small)
Wonderfully disturbing.
To quote IMDB:
'The inhabitants of an institution in a remote country rebel against their keepers. An allegory on the problematic nature of fully liberating the human spirit, as both commendable and disturbing elements of our nature come forward. The allegory is developed in part by the fact that the film is cast entirely with dwarfs.'
(Fri 18th Jul 2008, 21:26, More)
» Have you ever seen a dead body?
Beside the usual uncle / grandma bodies
I one saw a couple of bodies floating in a river in Sri Lanka, while were crossing a small bridge over a jungle stream.
Our driver grinned apologetically and told us they were swimming.
Oh...and last time on the beach, there was a dead baby seal
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 12:39, More)
Beside the usual uncle / grandma bodies
I one saw a couple of bodies floating in a river in Sri Lanka, while were crossing a small bridge over a jungle stream.
Our driver grinned apologetically and told us they were swimming.
Oh...and last time on the beach, there was a dead baby seal
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 12:39, More)
» And that's the thanks I got
Meh
Just the usual doing a job and not getting paid kinda stuff here.
The worst one: I built a website that HAD TO be done in one week (which I easily managed), but then I had to ask and beg for the bill to be paid for more than eighteen months. And it was quite a large sum too (about two months worth of salary). Already paid my taxes for it and everything.
I just saw that it was paid today!
*glees*
okay, so not a funny story, but I'm just happy, as this is not made up whatsoever.
(Fri 25th May 2007, 16:39, More)
Meh
Just the usual doing a job and not getting paid kinda stuff here.
The worst one: I built a website that HAD TO be done in one week (which I easily managed), but then I had to ask and beg for the bill to be paid for more than eighteen months. And it was quite a large sum too (about two months worth of salary). Already paid my taxes for it and everything.
I just saw that it was paid today!
*glees*
okay, so not a funny story, but I'm just happy, as this is not made up whatsoever.
(Fri 25th May 2007, 16:39, More)