Profile for Professor Kenny Martin:
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Professor Kenny Martin was born in London in a busy sales office. He's the owner and proprietor of Kenny Martin Laboratories, which is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. You can find it at profkm.com or you can pop along to this place:
I'm nothing to do with kmlabs.com though. They make lasers. I just say "lasers" in a Dr Evil accent.
I'm Kerry. I'm a bloke though, and yes, unbelievably, people HAVE commented before "That's a girl's name!".
To make it worse, Iwork with used to work with a girl called Jo. That confusesd people.
I use photoshop the way a monkey uses a rock.
Did somebody say rock?
...Why yes I do!
Buy some of Jessie's jewellery - it's lovely, and so's she:
This might be me, and it might not - I'm not telling =)
I've finally joined, and I've got tons of spare change for the biscuits...
People seem to like drawing me...
The most excellent Heffrey:
in vino veritas::
Aphex The Mink:
JollyJack:
kingsuperspecial:
phunky:
bilbobarneybobs:
HappyToast:
And now Chungo has Professor-fied me:
He didn't even need to black me up, thanks to The Mr T Picture =)
I'm proud to be the carpenter of the good ship Pearl Necklace:
Now I'm a FUHL as well! Beware, there are quite a few of us...
I was there, man...
Find out more at my website, as seen above if you want, or look at my myspaz
Thanks to the invisable man for making this, inspired by my rawk version of the I Love Horses song =)
I came up with this t-shirt a while back and everyone said they'd buy one. So far, I've sold about 3, but if you want one go to cafepress.com/kmlabs and take your pick...
Big thanks to P3te for the artwork.
What Is Your Animal Personality?
Which File Extension are You?
Well I may be a little weird, but it's nice to know there's nothing to be scared of:
Which OS are You?
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Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 6 years, 3 months and 4 days
- has posted 15474 messages on the main board
- has posted 73 messages on the talk board
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- (including 38 links)
- has posted 276 stories and 332 replies on question of the week
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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Professor Kenny Martin was born in London in a busy sales office. He's the owner and proprietor of Kenny Martin Laboratories, which is nothing more than a figment of my imagination. You can find it at profkm.com or you can pop along to this place:
I'm nothing to do with kmlabs.com though. They make lasers. I just say "lasers" in a Dr Evil accent.
I'm Kerry. I'm a bloke though, and yes, unbelievably, people HAVE commented before "That's a girl's name!".
To make it worse, I
I use photoshop the way a monkey uses a rock.
Did somebody say rock?
...Why yes I do!Buy some of Jessie's jewellery - it's lovely, and so's she:
This might be me, and it might not - I'm not telling =)
I've finally joined, and I've got tons of spare change for the biscuits...
People seem to like drawing me...
The most excellent Heffrey:
in vino veritas::
Aphex The Mink:
JollyJack:
kingsuperspecial:
phunky:
bilbobarneybobs:
HappyToast:
And now Chungo has Professor-fied me:
He didn't even need to black me up, thanks to The Mr T Picture =)I'm proud to be the carpenter of the good ship Pearl Necklace:
Now I'm a FUHL as well! Beware, there are quite a few of us...
I was there, man...
Find out more at my website, as seen above if you want, or look at my myspaz
Thanks to the invisable man for making this, inspired by my rawk version of the I Love Horses song =)
I came up with this t-shirt a while back and everyone said they'd buy one. So far, I've sold about 3, but if you want one go to cafepress.com/kmlabs and take your pick...
Big thanks to P3te for the artwork.
 Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You? |
What Is Your Animal Personality?
Which File Extension are You?
You Are 30% Weird |
 Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself. |
Well I may be a little weird, but it's nice to know there's nothing to be scared of:
You Are Not Scary |
 Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet? |
Which OS are You?
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Faking it
A few years ago I worked for about 10 months in a sales office in Coventry...
All the time I was there I told everyone that I didn't like cheese.
Then one day while the manager (who, it has to be said, was a horrible woman) was out and I was really hungry I stole her cheese from the fridge and ate it. When she came back she understandably was pissed off that someone had stolen her cheese and gave everyone a hard time about it...
...except for me, because she knew I didn't like cheese \o/
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 16:05, More)
A few years ago I worked for about 10 months in a sales office in Coventry...
All the time I was there I told everyone that I didn't like cheese.
Then one day while the manager (who, it has to be said, was a horrible woman) was out and I was really hungry I stole her cheese from the fridge and ate it. When she came back she understandably was pissed off that someone had stolen her cheese and gave everyone a hard time about it...
...except for me, because she knew I didn't like cheese \o/
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 16:05, More)
» Stuff I've found
I found my family
My mum and dad split up when i was but a mere 1-year old.
For a variety of reasons which I won't go into here my dad was unable to keep in touch, and so it came to pass that I told my mum I wanted to find him. We agreed that I would wait until I was 16, and then she'd help me.
So, come my 16th birthday I set about finding my dad. It didn't take long, but it was quite strange to find that a 16-year old wannabe guitarist studying computer-related GCSEs found that his 15 year estranged dad was working in London as in IT contractor and had been known to spend the odd evening at the pub with a guitar, playing and singing.
Part 2 of the story is that not very long after I got back in touch my mum and dad met up for a drink and chat about old times, only to find that the spark hadn't died and there was an instant "click" when they saw each other again... they're married* now and made for each other \o/
*getting married btw involved them both getting divorced from their respective partners first; it was a long and rocky journey...
(Mon 10th Nov 2008, 10:41, More)
I found my family
My mum and dad split up when i was but a mere 1-year old.
For a variety of reasons which I won't go into here my dad was unable to keep in touch, and so it came to pass that I told my mum I wanted to find him. We agreed that I would wait until I was 16, and then she'd help me.
So, come my 16th birthday I set about finding my dad. It didn't take long, but it was quite strange to find that a 16-year old wannabe guitarist studying computer-related GCSEs found that his 15 year estranged dad was working in London as in IT contractor and had been known to spend the odd evening at the pub with a guitar, playing and singing.
Part 2 of the story is that not very long after I got back in touch my mum and dad met up for a drink and chat about old times, only to find that the spark hadn't died and there was an instant "click" when they saw each other again... they're married* now and made for each other \o/
*getting married btw involved them both getting divorced from their respective partners first; it was a long and rocky journey...
(Mon 10th Nov 2008, 10:41, More)
» Stupid Dares
Chilli sauce from hell
A few years ago I was give a bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce. For those of you who've never had it: it's hot. I like spicy food but one drop of this in a bowl of soup renders it almost inedible, it's ridiculous.
So, one day at work, my colleague Mo mentioned spicy food (Mo's already starred in a previous qotw answer).
I mentioned the Insanity Sauce, Mo sugested it probably wasn't as hot as I was making out, so I dared him to eat some on a rice cracker the next day, when I brought it in to work.
So the following day, I wandered over to Mo's desk, presented him with the sauce, whereupon he assumed I was playing a nasty trick on him and it would be horrible. To prove it was edible I had a tiny drop on a cracker first, which was decidedly unpleasant.
Seeing this, Mo did the same, and exclaimed "Oh, it's not that hot, it's no worse than a vindaloo!".
He then proceeded to liberally douse another cracker with mucho sauce, and eat it. I was (secretly) gutted that he wasn't impressed, congratulated him and sat back down.
A couple of minutes passed, and then another colleague, Amy, who hadn't seen the cracker episode came into the office and asked "Why is Mo out crying by the water cooler?"
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 12:23, More)
Chilli sauce from hell
A few years ago I was give a bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce. For those of you who've never had it: it's hot. I like spicy food but one drop of this in a bowl of soup renders it almost inedible, it's ridiculous.
So, one day at work, my colleague Mo mentioned spicy food (Mo's already starred in a previous qotw answer).
I mentioned the Insanity Sauce, Mo sugested it probably wasn't as hot as I was making out, so I dared him to eat some on a rice cracker the next day, when I brought it in to work.
So the following day, I wandered over to Mo's desk, presented him with the sauce, whereupon he assumed I was playing a nasty trick on him and it would be horrible. To prove it was edible I had a tiny drop on a cracker first, which was decidedly unpleasant.
Seeing this, Mo did the same, and exclaimed "Oh, it's not that hot, it's no worse than a vindaloo!".
He then proceeded to liberally douse another cracker with mucho sauce, and eat it. I was (secretly) gutted that he wasn't impressed, congratulated him and sat back down.
A couple of minutes passed, and then another colleague, Amy, who hadn't seen the cracker episode came into the office and asked "Why is Mo out crying by the water cooler?"
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 12:23, More)
» Not Losing Your Virginity
You know that look girls get when you're definitely in with a chance?
No, me neither. And that's why I was 18 before I lost mine.
(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 14:03, More)
You know that look girls get when you're definitely in with a chance?
No, me neither. And that's why I was 18 before I lost mine.
(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 14:03, More)
» Customers from Hell
But that's a girl's name!
Some of you may know that my real name is Kerry. As it mentions in my profile, many people have commented that they thought that was a girl’s name.
Back in my sales job in London (many years ago) I was talking to a customer on the phone and arranged to give her a call back once I’d found out some information for her. She was being quite abrupt and told me that she’d be calling me back if I hadn’t got back to her shortly. She then asked my name, and the conversation went something like this:
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Kerry”
“Kerry? That’s a girl’s name”
*sighs* “Well, no. It can be, but it’s a bloke’s name too”
“No, it’s a girl’s name”
“It’s really not, it’s unisex, like Lindsay or Lesley”
“Well, I’ve never heard of a bloke called Kerry. I’m sorry, but you’ve got a girl’s name”
“… Well, I’m a bloke, and I’m called Kerry – so now you DO know someone called Kerry who’s not a girl”
“Nope. You’ve got a girl’s name”
“Right, okay. Well I’ll get the information and call you back. I’ve got your number, what’s your name?”
“Chris”
At this point I really tried to restrain myself, honestly I did. Sadly, I couldn’t help myself and blurted out “THAT’S A BLOKE’S NAME!”
She hung up on me.
True professional that I am, I got the information for her… and then got a colleague to call her back with it.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 22:51, More)
But that's a girl's name!
Some of you may know that my real name is Kerry. As it mentions in my profile, many people have commented that they thought that was a girl’s name.
Back in my sales job in London (many years ago) I was talking to a customer on the phone and arranged to give her a call back once I’d found out some information for her. She was being quite abrupt and told me that she’d be calling me back if I hadn’t got back to her shortly. She then asked my name, and the conversation went something like this:
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Kerry”
“Kerry? That’s a girl’s name”
*sighs* “Well, no. It can be, but it’s a bloke’s name too”
“No, it’s a girl’s name”
“It’s really not, it’s unisex, like Lindsay or Lesley”
“Well, I’ve never heard of a bloke called Kerry. I’m sorry, but you’ve got a girl’s name”
“… Well, I’m a bloke, and I’m called Kerry – so now you DO know someone called Kerry who’s not a girl”
“Nope. You’ve got a girl’s name”
“Right, okay. Well I’ll get the information and call you back. I’ve got your number, what’s your name?”
“Chris”
At this point I really tried to restrain myself, honestly I did. Sadly, I couldn’t help myself and blurted out “THAT’S A BLOKE’S NAME!”
She hung up on me.
True professional that I am, I got the information for her… and then got a colleague to call her back with it.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 22:51, More)