» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

A simple 'phone call...
A friend and I had gone to a football match. Long story short: Hilsborough, April 15th 1989, Leppings Lane terracing.
Eventually, we got back to the side-street where he'd parked his car and were getting ready for the trek back to Liverpool. Some guy comes out of a nearby house and walks up to us.
"Been to the match?" he asked.
We nodded.
"Would you like to use my 'phone to call your folks - tell them your ok?"

It's the little things that mean the most - thanks mate.
(Wed 8th Oct 2008, 16:07, More)

» Cringe!

Pacemaker...
I'd got one of those new-fangled l.c.d. watches and the novelty of the hour-chime hadn't worn off yet.
"Beep, beep", said my watch.
"What the fuck's that?" asked W.
"Shit!" I replied, "It's the low-battery warning on my pacemaker."
It was while I was thumping my chest, and shouting "Start - you bastard!", that I remembered that W's father had died, not three days before, of a heart attack.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 17:34, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Let her dress me up as a girl...
...make-up, wig, the lot; before spending a good hour eating her out. Then she tied me up, ass-fucked me with a strap-on and took photographs. As a reward, I got to spend the rest of the evening shagging her silly!

No wait - this is a fantasy. Ladies, if this sort of thing appeals to you...
(Fri 13th Apr 2007, 17:24, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

Nice of you to own up...
In one of those weird pub moments, when everything goes quiet for no apparent reason, I heard a young woman exclaim, "The common term for it is 'buggery' - I should know, I've had it done to me".
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 13:43, More)

» Call Centres

I hate it when...
...some bastard in a call-centre 'phones me up, despite me being on the 'telephone preference' thingy, and tries to flog me something. So here's what I do:
First; try and sound really interested, ask a few questions etc.
Second; say, "Excuse me a minute, there's someone at the door. I'll just get rid of them."
Third; lay the hand-set down and continue watching TV until the 'phone makes that funny noise that indicates the caller has hung-up.

I figure my behaviour is a "public service" in that while the git's waiting for ME to return, he's not bothering YOU (no need to thank me).

Length? It took 24 minutes for one git to get the message (yes - I time them, it amuses me).
(Fri 4th Sep 2009, 17:09, More)