» On the stage

On the stage
At school I was always one of the first to offer my services when the school drama society put on their annual show.
One year it was the obligatory Joseph & The Amazing Technicolour Dream Coat, and being one of very few guys at my school who could sing I was given the slightly more challenging calypso stylee song, the one that goes "Oh no, not he, how you can accuse him is a mystery..." to perform.
Anyway, that's by the by.
Opening night, on the guest list and all present are the headmaster, my year head, the school governor, kids from all the local primary schools, and someone from the local paper. Also amongst the crowd are my parents, my gran, my girlfriend's family, and other folks I know and would rather impress than embarrass myself in front of.
The time comes for my solo performance so I step up to the mic stand at the front of stage and reach for the mic.
It's stuck.
The mic has been forced too far into the clip and it's proving very difficult to loosen.
After some serious tuggage the mic very suddenly comes free.
Obviously I'm not prepared for it and rather than fall flat on my arse, which wouldn't have really been the best thing ever to happen to me, I smash the microphone into my forehead. Very hard.
Embarrassing enough you might think, but I managed to cap it off by whispering "fuck" without having the forethought to lower the microphone from it's position inches in front of my face.
Oh how we laughed at the after-show party.
(Mon 5th Dec 2005, 10:04, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Crappiest Prize
I won a bottle of Coors Gold on the tombolla at a village fete, and I was even handed a free bottle opener.
Not so crap I guess, except that the bottles were all screw top and the organisers had been giving these bottle openers away all day with said bottles of Coors.
That's not crap at all, is it?
(Fri 5th Aug 2005, 15:09, More)