» Shit Stories

Ants in pants
When I was 12 me, my parents and my aunt went on holiday to the south of France. Driving down, we stopped to eat some brekkie at a rest-stop in the middle of no-where. I needed a dump, and as there were no loos I went into the trees and squatted down. I did notice that the earth was rather damp and there were lots of flies and stuff, but what the hell. Crimped one off, wiped, pulled shorts back up.
Then spent the next several hundred miles trying to pull out all the insects (without my aunt noticing) that had crawled into my pants.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 12:21, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

One shouldn't laugh but
I used to work for a rather large auction house (but not one of the big two). We once got a fax from a french chap who was selling a rather nice european work of art through us but it turns out that he had some special requests. We were not allowed to sell it to (amongst others) Princess Di, Saddam Hussein, The Gettys, Mr Bush... and if we did sell it then we weren't allowed to send him a cheque as he was afraid of international burglars. It did sell and a few months later I got a letter from the chap's dad saying that his son was a schizo and he had power of attorney, shouldn't have sold it etc...

But best one was the welsh bloke who used to phone up every month when he got his statement which said he owed us £105. Everytime he got one he would swear blind that he didn't owe us anything (in a nice Ivor the Engine accent). We knew he had Alzheimers so he could never remember what it was about. How we laughed.
(We did write the debt off. After a few months)
(Fri 2nd Jan 2004, 10:58, More)