» My most gullible moment

Fun on boats
While on a gunboat as part of the Southampton Uni Royal Naval Unit we were regularly deployed to ports on the coast of France (or Holland or somewhere foreign).

As was usual we hosted cocktail parties for local dignitaries, mayors, local naval associations and so on. Lots of fun for a group of spotty students to mingle and drink for free.

During one of these parties with about 50 or so people packed on board, I noticed that across the harbor we were in, there was an old guy looking out of a window at us. He'd been doing this since the beginning of the party. (a good hour or so). I suggested to the Chief of the Boat that maybe we could invite him over - he was obviously very interested in our ship and it's goings on. The Chief agreed. Unusual, as he was a stickler for protocol, and a bit of a grumpy bastard.

So chuffed that I was helping to extend friendship across Europe - off I set - a walk of about 500 yards down to a bridge crossing the dock, then 500 yards back up the other side to the building with the window...

and the statue inside it....

staring across the water....

....to to the boat, where every single one of the bastards on board is crying with laughter as I then start my 1000 yard walk of shame back...



bastards..
(Tue 26th Aug 2008, 0:05, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

Cats Eyes prevent Communist invasion.

My parents on car trips (these seems like a recurring theme here) would tell me:

If you accidentally drove over more than 4 catseyes in a row they would explode. This was a very clever scheme invented to prevent Russian tanks from invading as tanks were longer than 4 catseyes but cars were shorter. I was already in total fear of the Red Menace at the age of 7, and this totally believable logic just heightened my paranoia. My dad would take great delight in hitting three catseyes and then narrowly avoiding the fourth while I screamed myself into a catatonic state in the back seat.
(Sat 17th Jan 2004, 21:09, More)

» Useless advice

Sex Ed


my entire sexual education came as i was walking home from school with my mum. I think I was about 11 and mentioned a very pretty girl I'd met that day.

My mum stomps along - her mind deciding if this is the time to have "THE CONVERSATION" - the whirring stops, yes it's time, and the advice flows:

"Never have sex with a girl unless you are prepared to use her toothbrush"

Which today I find very astute and often something I think about as a lovely female friend 'cleans her teeth' , but back then - explaining what "having sex" was might have helped more than a discussion of dental hygiene.
(Sun 22nd Oct 2006, 16:49, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

Glasnost
I'd just moved to the US from good old Stamford, Lincs. Went back home for a Crimbly vacation and was going to meet up for a new years eve party with a lot of old college friends. - very excited!!

While back at home I get a phone call from another ex-pat who'd just scored a couple of train tickets to Berlin for NY eve, a place to stay, and, apparently, some scorching german girls who were up for it. I, sadly, turned it down for my previously planned extravaganza that was going on just outside Plymouth.

So -now its New Years eve.... I'm sitting - single - in a living room listening to all my (now astoundingly boring and married) mates in couples discussing CURTAINS - at midnight...

My mate in Germany managed to time it to perfection and was :
DANCING ON THE BERLIN WALL AS IT WAS BEING DISMANTLED BY A LOAD OF CRAZY KRAUTS/RUSSIANS WITH SLEDGEHAMMERS.

He was also shagging BOTH german girls.

(Remember my curtains? - yeah... great... so do I...)

The only tiny salvation - he fell off and twisted his ankle.

Although even that had a bitter taste - while it may have slowed his dancing slightly, it elicited endless amounts of sympathy from Helga and Karla.
(Fri 6th Oct 2006, 3:55, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

Doing a little computer work...


Migrating a kindly old gentleman's files from one computer to another... We'd got through his documents, his architectural drawings, his collection of writings of the Dalai Lama, a little music. Then we get to photos:

"Do you wish to import 5600 photos?"
I look up and he nods.
I click "yes"
"Do you wish to import the following duplicate?"

I am now presented with not one, but two stereo images of a young man with a cock that was longer and thicker than his forearm.

"Oh... you've found my porn collection"

was the quiet murmur from over my shoulder.
(Mon 1st Jun 2009, 21:56, More)