» Lies Your Parents Told You

Sending us to the hospital
Whenever me or my brother were naughty my parents would put us in the car and take us to hillingdon hospital. they would park outside and threaten to give us back.We would cry all the way there and back,then for the rest of the night.o the good times we had.
(Fri 16th Jan 2004, 17:58, More)

» School Sports Day

High Jump Queen
Twas a sunny day in rural England...well it was the school field with planes from Heathrow taking off and landing every few moments.I absolutely loathed Sports Day.A day dedicated to destroy what little self-esteem I had left by showing me how inferior my sporting abilitly was compared to all the pikey Hayes childs. It was time for the high jump. I say high jump...it was two little coloured stands with a stick across it. There were three levels to the high jump. The stick was moved accordingly to the level you were on. LEVEL ONE-The stick was about half a foot off the ground. "I can do this" I thought. I ran, my chubby thighs chaffing, leapt in to the air..SUCCESS! I hadn't made an arse of myself just yet. Level two. The stick was moved up more, this was going to be a challenge. Again i took a run up and glided over the stick like a tubby little angel.Only one jump left. By this point I had grown increasingly tired/bored/sweaty and wanteto go home. So the stick was hired for a last time.I ran, Lord did I run.Got to the stnad sticky thing of jumping pain and...stopped, stepped over it and stood next to it.The crowd laughed, how they laughed. Still to this day, I cannot work out whether I stopped sub-consciously and it was that point I realised I hated sports or I was just too bloody scared of jumping over a twig two feet off the ground. The latter idea I'm afraid.
Length?!!??It was the height the scared thee bejebus out of me
(Tue 4th Apr 2006, 15:20, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Alan Rickman-absolute gent
Met Alan Rickman at The Barbican when I went to see Hamlet starring the tiny Michael Maloney. Mr Rickman was standing near the bar so two friends and myself approached. He happily signed an autograph and had a conversation about his tight tight costume he had to wear the next day...*dribbles* Thoroughly nice chap.Nice one. Also met Bewitched on an AerLingus flight. Nice girls.
(Thu 1st Jun 2006, 11:04, More)

» Missing body parts

I heard...
This bloke at work-bit of a bullshitter claims his brother had both knee caps cut off but can now use both legs fine. I don't believe that. Surely his legs will bend both ways now?! what are the purpose of knee caps?!?And btw Thank you veyr much b3tans. My first exam is on Friday and am I revising like a good girl on a monday morning????Nooooo! because you funny cnuts keep posting more and better stories.Thank you so much.
(Mon 5th Jun 2006, 11:12, More)

» Teenage Parties

Twas last saturday...
Miss Blues story reminded me of my mates 18th last week. We are all pretty respectable white people all having jollies on the dance floor in this social/footbal club pubby bar thing.But lo! 2 black men walk in. One was quite respectable but the other had his hood up and base ball cap and tht. Everything fell silent-everyone just stared and stared. No-one knew who they were...expet other friends brother who had invited them to sing a song. They sang a nice song and apparently recorded a video for MTV Bass-wahey!bit odd but charming.At the same party-someone got so rat arsed, they just shat everywhere.mmmm pleasant.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 12:13, More)