» Why I was late

Sort of along the right lines..
at school I was a cheeky monkey, and often talked back when I should have shut up, but one time I like to think I struck gold with a response (well, I was 15, it seemed pretty cool).

I rocked up at 9.15 (registration was 8.45) with a mate, to be greeted at the school gates by the deputy head.
"you're late" said he
"yes" said I
"if this was a job, you'd be sacked" said he

said I "if this were a job, I'd be paid. Pay me to come to school and I'll get here on time"

I never managed to render a teacher speechless again.
(Thu 5th Jul 2007, 4:58, More)

» Evil Pranks

Floured
Halls of residence, Liverpool JMU 1996.

Navy cadet type dude plays tricks on everyone, everyone gets bored of it and decides to play one on him.

Navy dude goes away, sensibly locking his bedroom door.

My mate gets a sheet of newspaper, a bottle of talc and a hairdryer. Slides newspaper half under door, empties talc onto the half on his side and uses the hairdryer to blow the talc under the door into the Navy dudes's room.

Navy dude returns to find his whole room and his expensive naval dress uniform lightly frosted with a thick layer of talc.

Length? He held a grudge for the rest of the year.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 7:58, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I went into school during my "exam break" dressed as a hooker
complete with full blonde wig and kinky boots. The Headmaster recognised me and thought it hilarious to introduce me to the deputy head, who didn't.

All through my sixth form years I dressed in a different costume each day. I've been Bugsy Malone (I'm a girl), a pirate, a 60s hippy, a grungy traveller, Axl Rose and a metal-head.
(Mon 23rd Jul 2007, 6:43, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My Dad's family:
Aunty O = electroshock therapy
Uncle J = Jewish pig farmer
Uncle R = spiritual healer
Aunty M = brainwashed slave of a woman wet-nursed by a witch (allegedly)
Uncle C = living in bizarre menage a trois with girlfriend, her ex, his thai bride and the baby
Dad = raised Catholic, now a Buddhist (sanest of the lot), spends a lot of time dressed head to toe in beige (including hat, tie, socks and shoes).

That's the most bonkers of them, the rest are just a bit "eccentric"
(Sun 8th Jul 2007, 3:06, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

Oh yes, and I also smoked incense sticks
to practice real smoking, so I would look like I knew what I was doing when I started smoking properly.
(Mon 23rd Jul 2007, 6:45, More)