» Embarrassing Injuries

both holes torn
Back in student days at music college we had a mate called Adam who was a big lad - in fact he was built like an ox. Just as an example of his sheer size and presence: during a disturbance in a pub, he had calmly picked up the troublemaker under one arm, opened the door with the other, and smoothly ejected the poor sod into the night before he could so much as say 'you lookin for trouble?'. Anyway I digress... Anyone who had the misfortune to see Adam naked knew that he was packing something of fearsome proportions in the trouser dept. Which brings me on to his girlfriend Carolyn (now happily married to someone else apparently - wonder if hubby knows about this though).
Seeing Adam after a summer holiday and inquiring what he'd been up to, he told us that he'd been working abroad, but luckily Carolyn had been to visit him. But when she saw him she'd been missing him so much that of course she 'went for it' a bit too violently. And, how can I put this, her front bottom was ripped to shreds...
But the next day Adam, not to be put off, persuaded her to let him do her up the 'gary'. Bad idea - she returned home from her visit with both holes in tatters. Stitches were involved...
I wonder if she knows that we all knew about it though!
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 14:17, More)

» My Worst Date

jesus...
...how many more of these teenage 'first date' sob stories do we have to hear? it's getting catastrophically unfunny.
(Tue 26th Oct 2004, 13:14, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

paid to degrade....
i recently went on a stag do in edinburgh. it was after midnight, everyone was well pished up having completed a tour of the local public houses and lapdancing establishments.
as per tradition the stag was restrained, stripped naked, bound and gagged and ritually humiliated (large flesh-coloured dildos were put in his hands which were then taped up securely with duct tape), we then carried 'dildo hands' into a nearby park, took some photos and had a good laugh at the poor sod.
but the ultimate shaming was when a couple of local teenagers, who happened to be passing by, were given £20 to give the stag's knackers a good kicking in. one of them duly obliged! priceless.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 10:43, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

Paid for Nothing
Several years ago i received a payslip throught the post from a catering company, which said that i had been paid £46.36 for catering at an international rugby match at twickenham. I checked my bank account and yes, sure enough, the money was in my account...
But the thing was i didnt work for the company, and had never even been to twickenham!
No one even bothered to ask for the money back.
I eventually realised that the company had my bank details and were able to erroneously pay me, because they were the same company who ran the albert hall bar where i'd gone for an interview, but been sacked before i even started there after a disagreement with the boss.

Not bad payment for just going to a job interview and handing over my bank details!
And bearing in mind i was a penniless student at the time, £46 (peanuts today) made a big difference.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 12:45, More)

» Lost...

my sister...
but dont worry - she's still alive and well!
me and my sister went to a big concert at knebworth park about 8 years ago. bands all day. during one of the first 2 bands i went to the lav, only to come back and find that the crowd, who were previously seated on the ground, had all stood up and rushed forward.
thus completely losing any chance of finding my 16 year old sister. this was before the days of mobiles, so i spent the rest of the day 'enjoying' the bands on my own, eventually meeting my sister at 11.30pm next to the coach which was taking us home.
she burst into tears.
(Fri 3rd Dec 2004, 14:05, More)