» Why I was late

Sadly this isn't really funny...
When I was a teenager, I had this part time weekend job in somerfield. For some insane reason I ended up as the weekend supervisor for the deli counter.
One weekend I thought I was due to start at mid day, so I stayed up late and got totally wankered. On reaching my bedroom at 3am I suddenly remembered I was actually supposed to be starting at 8am.

Whoops!

So anyway I set the alarm clock for 7am hoping I might actually hear it.

I did, but switched it right off in a halfdrunken haze.
I eventually woke up at 10am and rang work saying 'Sorry I'm not there I ...slightly overslept'
'Slightly??' says the boss.
'I'll be there in 30 mins' says I.
'Don't bother we got Maggie to cover it, see you next week!'
Result, I got a free day off, and they forgot to dock my pay too :D
(Mon 2nd Jul 2007, 0:57, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My Great Aunt
She was adamant that the correct way to drive a car was down the line in the middle of the road. At 70mph.
I only once got a lift with her...never again.

She eventually gave up driving when, having arrived home, she decided to park up by her house. Instead she drove THROUGH her garden wall and into the garden, totalling the car in the process.
Every other driver breathed a sigh of relief that day...

Sorry it's not really all that funny.
(Thu 5th Jul 2007, 16:42, More)

» Kids

GAYSAUCE!!!!!!!!!!!
My youngest son Niko (2yrs old) likes to 'help' me play on my computer. While Counterstrike Source is hardly 2yr old Material, he loves to push the walk forward key while I do the shooting :o
Just this evening he pointed to the PC and said 'Gaysauce!'

He's actually saying "Game!, Source!" as he can't say 'counterstrike' yet, but he can say 'source.

I think I'll limit him to minesweeper...
(Mon 21st Apr 2008, 23:57, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Toilet Humour
Where I work, they have the usual signs in the toilets:

NOW PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS!
(below a picture of two cupped hands)


In one of the buildings some bright spark had drawn a cock between the hands and added the following:
'AND YOUR COCK'
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 21:49, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

My Gran's Shed
When I was a little scrote, just learned to read, I remember stepping into my Gran's shed...well i say shed, it was actually half a barn that my uncle used to use for doing up his motorbikes and stuff when he was a teenager etc, the other half was walled off and part of the stables next door.

On one wall of the barn were the immortal words:

"ADOLF HITLER ESQ. INVITES ALL JEWS TO A BBQ"

On one of the others

"HAPPY EASTER TO JESUS"
(presumebly one of my uncles wrote them when they were youg..I have a good idea which one..)

I still find both funny to this day, and I don't think what Hitler did was big nor clever, and shouldn't have ever happened, but they say the best way to deal with tragedy is to laugh at it? Maybe I just have a twisted sense of humour.

-edit: If I get time before this QOTW ends, I'll nip up my gran's with me camera and grab some photo's of the above, as I am sure it's still there over 25 years later hehe -

My cousin Sharon, who I am sure frequents b3ta either lurking or posting, I dunno, will probably finally realise that another member of the family posts here now :D Now guess who it is Shaz :D
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 19:48, More)