» Pure Ignorance

My boss +Nigerians
me: I think it would be very stupid for us to send an air ticket to this Nigerian Gentleman who emailed us from Lagos, wanting to fly half way around the world on a ticket paid for on a credit card with an american name.

my boss: but don't you think he's a genuine customer?

*six months later, having had said dodgy credit card transaction refused...*

"but I thought it might be ok. "
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 12:44, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Bananas and cream.
1. Banana, needle + thread.
Take a banana, and with nimble work you can slice it up entirely without removing the skin. Its also impossible to tell that it has been sabotaged, and its most strange to open a ready sliced fruit.

2. Party poppers+cream.
Take poppers, remove the cardboard cap, and replace contents with cream. Then replace cardboard caps and wait for festivities to begin. Very effective and also quite long distance splatterage.
(Fri 6th May 2005, 12:44, More)

» Near Death Experiences

near enough
I come from a part of the world not far from the equator where cities are best avoided, mainly because of violent hijackings and gun crime.

After being at a friends house, 9pm on a Sunday night, was on my way home.

The road I was on had suffered a few attacks recently, so I was fairly aware of things. Only a few kilometers to go and then I would be in home territory. Foot to the floor, I decided to get on with it. There are only two ways home, and the one I chose was shortest.

It was like a scene out of the wild west - swing doors creaking and very very still. There was not a single car on the road, nor a single human soul in sight.

My peace was shattered by the very sudden appearance of a large powerful car on the road RIGHT behind me. The car was strangely back lit and through my mirror I could see it was full of five men with guns, flashing headlights and generally trying to push me off the road. Rather than back off or give in, the 'flee' instinct kicked in. I was fortunately in a car which though not glamourous was nippy. I was of course calm and collected* and went for it. Sadly my pursuers also went for it and chased me down the tree lined, potholed and winding road for the next few kilometres at breakneck speed, trying to dazzle me with headlights at the corners and generally push me off the road.

I wasn't making any ground on them and had pretty much resigned myself to fate. I remembered though there was a police station not far ahead. Not knowing what to expect when I got there I decided to do a full speed death or glory turn into the station with no warning to my pursuers. Fortunately, they saw what I hadn't and carried on going. I stopped the car and got out, shaking, to see a group of heavily armed policemen casually smoking their fags before going out on patrol.

Close enough for me, thanks.

*WARNING: may not be strictly true
(Mon 29th Nov 2004, 15:20, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Bloke on a train, on the phone to his other half
Him: 'Hi my love, where are we going to meet up'
Her: *Click*
Him: 'Hi my love, why d'you put the phone down on me? Where are we going to meet up?'
Her: *Click*
Him: (Getting cross)'Laura, why the f. do you keep putting the phone down on me.'
Her: *Click*

This continued for about ten minutes. (Message to man on the train. Maybe she was trying to send you some hidden coded message)
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 22:52, More)