» Pet Stories

Chlorine
Hey - anyone else got a cat that's hooked on chlorine - we can't get the bugger off our swimmies when we get back from the pool, he nicks them off the radiator and gets well stoned on them.... Is he just weird???
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 1:39, More)

» Claims to Fame

Here's some
Good grief, some of these are a bit tenuous aren't they? Let's broaden the brief a little :

My old man's band played support for the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
I once went out with a girl who taught Art Maliks kid trampolining.
My aunt worked on the original photographic stuff for the revolver image at the beginning of Bond movies.
I once had tea with Cliff Thorburn, the snookerist.
Rolf drew me a Rolferoo when I met him at a book signing.
One of my mates used to do the artwork on Count Duckula & Dangermouse.
My mates cousin is Jane out of Rod Jane and Freddy.
Talking of cousins, I used to live with Sylvester McCoys cousin.
Mick Jaggers grandad used to live next door to me and work at the same mill (closed down - trouble)- Mick was in our local the other week.
Went to college with Jasper Carrots daughter.
Boyhood local frequented by Toni Iommi (masons Arms in Solihull).

And half the Move have my autograph, but I did that one earlier.

My what a whirlwind star studded life I really do lead....
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 17:21, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Cheese and Ham
I went into a sandwich shop the other week and asked for a cheese and ham toastie.

She (for it was her) : "We don't do them"
Me : "Well can I have a slice of toast with ham on it then?"
She : "Yes"
Me : "And can you do me a slice of toast with cheese on it?"
She : "Yes"
Me: "And can you put them both together in a sandwich like fashion plis?"
She : "OK".
Hmmmm....

On the subject of overheard at a party :

"What are you doing with that cheeseplant?"
"Oh, that, I'm trying to wear it like a fairly fashionable moustache".

So there we go
(Mon 10th Jan 2005, 14:07, More)

» Pet Stories

Weasel
Weasel is a very good looking cat (although getting a little fat). He is also unutterably cute and rampantly psychotic in equal measure.

His reportoire of kills is extremely impressive, including bats, moles, frogs and various birds and fluffy rodents. He has also been witnessed attacking joggers and kids on bikes (he hides behind a tree a pounces on them, although I don't think he's ever done them any damage).

Anyways, we live behind a wood and one summer he realises that baby bunnies are good for a hunt. The first one he brought in was perplexing - where was it's head? We searched the whole house for hours until my wife finally treads on a pair of eyeballs and we begin to suspect that he has actually eaten it.

Sure enough a couple of days later we catch him chomping away at his next kill. He only eats the head, mind, nothing else.

23 baby bunnies later and funnily enough none the next year, can't imagine where they all went.
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 15:19, More)

» Claims to Fame

Autograph Hunters
I used to work in a shitty insurance brokers - used to do Bev Bevan and Roy Woods car insurance, Jasper Carrot as well.

All of them have got my autograph...
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 12:55, More)