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» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

Why has B3ta made me relive this WWWWWWWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
bEFORE i START-fecking caps lock- my tale of woe, a little background.

I used to live in Bangkok, and also like a bit of a drink. As such for many years I used to wake up still langered with strange girls in my bed. The usual thing to do in this situation is grope around a bit, then have a nice drunken bleary eyed morning shag then send the young lady on her way, with the money in her purse to keep her kids in shoes for another month.

You think this is going to be about waking up with a ladyboy don't you. You're wrong, that was last weeks QOTW. This is much much worse.

So I'd been away for a few years, and it was time to pop home to visit friends and family for a week. I arrived had dinner with the parents, and it was off down the pub for a session with the mates.

Now I like to think I can take my drink, but the combination of getting on the plane pissed, drinking for the entire flight- good old Thai air, they still ply you with drink to this day- then an evening down the local on top of my jet lag, and I was in a right state. At least I think I was, as I can't remember this part of the story, I'm pieceing it together from what I've been told, and a little deduction.

So it's 2 in the morning, the local gorgonzola city club is kicking out, and I need to go back to the parents house for some long overdue sleep.

But on arriving at the front door I had the old can't get the key in the lock problem, so in the end settled for sleeping on the garden path in front of the front door.

Now my dad is a baker, and as such gets up very early in the morning to go to work. So at around 5 he opens the front door to find me asleep on the path, wakes me up, tells me I'm an idiot, and sends me inside to go to bed.

I stumble upstairs climb into bed, and all is well with the world. I can remember none of this.

What I can remember, is waking up about an hour later- why is it when you've been on a proper bender you can only sleep for a short time, when what you need is a good eight hours?- in a darkened room, pissed out of my face, and a bit disorientated.

Now I thought I was still in my room in Bangkok, and true to form there was a nice warm body in the bed next to me. So what else could I do, but try and get it on. But things didn't go as usual, my advances were met with screams of Eden, what the fuck are you doing?

Yes, I had stunmbled upstairs, and got into bed with my mum. Apparently she had tried to kick me into my own bed, but to no avail, so had gone back to sleep, with me sleeping in her bed. Then I woke up and tried it on.

So the most horrific thing I've seen, is me, trying to fuck my mum.

Just recounting this brings back those suicidal feelings.

I'm off to book some more therapy.

Don't make the length jokes. Please don't.

*cries*
(Sun 24th Jun 2007, 13:24, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Oh go on then. I'll re re re pearost.
Why has B3ta made me relive this WWWWWWWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
bEFORE i START-fecking caps lock- my tale of woe, a little background.

I used to live in Bangkok, and also like a bit of a drink. As such for many years I used to wake up still langered with strange girls in my bed. The usual thing to do in this situation is grope around a bit, then have a nice drunken bleary eyed morning shag then send the young lady on her way, with the money in her purse to keep her kids in shoes for another month.

You think this is going to be about waking up with a ladyboy don't you. You're wrong, that was last weeks QOTW. This is much much worse.

So I'd been away for a few years, and it was time to pop home to visit friends and family for a week. I arrived had dinner with the parents, and it was off down the pub for a session with the mates.

Now I like to think I can take my drink, but the combination of getting on the plane pissed, drinking for the entire flight- good old Thai air, they still ply you with drink to this day- then an evening down the local on top of my jet lag, and I was in a right state. At least I think I was, as I can't remember this part of the story, I'm pieceing it together from what I've been told, and a little deduction.

So it's 2 in the morning, the local gorgonzola city club is kicking out, and I need to go back to the parents house for some long overdue sleep.

But on arriving at the front door I had the old can't get the key in the lock problem, so in the end settled for sleeping on the garden path in front of the front door.

Now my dad is a baker, and as such gets up very early in the morning to go to work. So at around 5 he opens the front door to find me asleep on the path, wakes me up, tells me I'm an idiot, and sends me inside to go to bed.

I stumble upstairs climb into bed, and all is well with the world. I can remember none of this.

What I can remember, is waking up about an hour later- why is it when you've been on a proper bender you can only sleep for a short time, when what you need is a good eight hours?- in a darkened room, pissed out of my face, and a bit disorientated.

Now I thought I was still in my room in Bangkok, and true to form there was a nice warm body in the bed next to me. So what else could I do, but try and get it on. But things didn't go as usual, my advances were met with screams of Eden, what the fuck are you doing?

Yes, I had stunmbled upstairs, and got into bed with my mum. Apparently she had tried to kick me into my own bed, but to no avail, so had gone back to sleep, with me sleeping in her bed. Then I woke up and tried it on.

So the most horrific thing I've seen, is me, trying to fuck my mum.

Just recounting this brings back those suicidal feelings.

I'm off to book some more therapy.

Don't make the length jokes. Please don't.

*cries*
(Mon 27th Jun 2011, 0:37, More)

» Personal Ads

Unfortunately not me, but a friend......
answered an ad in a contact mag, for a mother and daughter that were up for a thresome.

A time and date were set, and at said time he showed up at their house.

They let him in, and he took a seat on the sofa. Just as he was wondering how things would proceed, the daughter whipped of the mothers jeans, and started giving her head.

My mate was somewhat shocked and surprised to say the least, but rude not to, so he got his cock out, hada bit of a wank, then gave them both a good seing to.

The funny bit is, as he was leaving, he gave them a stern look, and uttered the immortal line " You two disgust me", before running of into the night.
(Thu 13th Sep 2007, 15:27, More)

» Weddings

No one wants to upset a blind man
Was at a cousins wedding reception in Newquay when I noticed their was another wedding recepion in the hotel next door...a cunning plan started to hatch in my slightly inebriated mind. I have an uncle who's a bit blind, by a bit blind I mean dark glasses, white stick, doesn't know what sunlight looks like blind, anyway he's also a bit of a laugh. So I told him what I had in mind, and he lent me said glasses and stick.

Cue me walking down the line of bride, groom and family in the hotel next door, doing the shaking hand bit, and telling them what a lovely ceremony it had been. The beauty of it was I could see them all pointing at me and mouthing "who's he" getting shrugs in reply that sort of said "don't know, but he's blind leave him alone". Anyway a very amusing half hour or so followed, with me going up to random people, getting them to get me a drink, telling them what a lovely service I thought it had been, and what a lovely girl the bride is, known her since she was a little girl don't you know, all the time seeing the words "who's he" mouthed to the people around, and those same shrugs in answer. I then asked the DJ to play a Stevie Wonder tune, and stood in the middle of the empty dance floor doing my best Stevie Wonder playing the piano impression. Half way through the tune I had to do a runner before I did my best roll round on the floor laughing impression.

Still the funniest thing I've ever done.
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 16:28, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

wjh31
just reminded me. I was once in a temple complex very very drunk, getting head off of some girl. I then gave her one from behind. As I was banging away, I noticed I was actually on the chocolate esculater. Nice I thought to myself. The I noticed the 'lady's' hand in 'her' crotch area going ten to the dozen. It was at this point I realised said girl was in fact a man.

I didn't really know what to do, but settled for the started so I'll finish option, spluffed my load, buttoned up, and ran away.

I felt very very dirty. Even more so as when I was scrubbing myself in the shower at home, I noticed the lump of shit on the end of my cock.

About a week later said ladyboy came up to me in a bar looking for a repeat performance. I pretended I didn't know him.

He wasn't even fit ffs. Just obviously an ugly man with small tits in a floral print dress.

Why God, WHY? Of all the geezerbirds in the land of smiles, some of which are uberfit, did I end up bumming that one?

I would have buried this story, never to be recounted, but it amuses me it was up against the wall of a temple.

I think I'm coming back as a slug.

Lucky it wasn't a church, or it would be hull for eternity.
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 13:20, More)
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