» Kids

No way of making this less wince inducing I am afraid lads.
At the tender age of five he dropped the wooden toilet lid it's full height on his knob. The noise he made was like the death throes of a warthog. The bruising it left was spectacular and remained for a good couple of weeks. The sound of muffled adult laughter almost lasted as long.
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 16:08, More)

» Misunderstood

Childhood innocence
Scene setting (I will do my best to be brief):
I live in Jersey...we hate Guernsey (our sister isle) and all of its inhabitants (think England-Scotland; England-Germany; Everyone-France and you get the picture).

Every year we have an Channel Island interinsular football tournament with Jersey and Guernsey habitually meeting in the final. This year the final was held in Guernsey. Along with a small but passionate group of supporters and my six year old we make the short trip o'er the water to the game. Our seats in the stadium were right alongside the most rabid home supporters. As passions rose so did terrace chants and, well, abuse.

As I pray that my lad doesn't pick up and repeat any of the amusingly colourful ditties, especially to Mrs RSRD_JSY, he starts to join in with some of my fellow supporters' witty slur "you fat bastard" aimed at the largest and most mentallly unstable skinhead in the Guernsey end. His crystal clear scream of "you fat pasta" manages to stun an entire end of some three to four hundred fans into silence. I didn't have the heart to either correct him or rebuke him for his hooligan tendencies.

I blame the parents!
(Sun 9th Oct 2005, 19:27, More)

» Kids

Little hooligans
I took my then seven year old to the annual interisland championship final football match. Standing next to hardcore opposition fans we were aware of some "ripe" terrace chanting but managing to resist responding "for the children's sake" when aforementioned child, wanting to fit in with the rest of the crowd, leaps to his feet points at one particularly large, balding and rabid gentlemen and screams "You fat pasta". Entire section of terrace goes silent then sits down unsure of how to proceed. I didn't have the heart to correct him (but do blame myself).

Slight pearoast...sort of...so sorry.
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 15:46, More)

» How nerdy are you?

Nerd jokes
I am nerdy enough that I laughed out loud when a colleague told me the following (apologies if this joke is widely known already):

Q: What goes "Pieces of seven, pieces of seven."?
A: A parroty error.

The real shame of this is that I desperately want someone else to find it funny but none of my mates would get it.

p.s I also have a dymo labeller and have labelled every cable and relevant socket in the house. Kill me, kill me now!
(Fri 7th Mar 2008, 16:20, More)

» Kids

Umm, yes dear.
It went like this:
Son "So mummy you can be mummy bear, daddy you can be daddy bear and i'll be baby bear."
Mum "Okay but who will be Goldilocks, the cat [named Bollinger]?"
Son "Yes, okay, he can be Bollilocks!"

Do you know we didn't see it coming and we're supposed to be the intelligent ones.
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 15:56, More)