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» Misheard and Misunderstood

I worked with some guy who went to the barbers up the road from the office and asked for an 'OAP' cut.
He genuinely had no idea
(Sat 30th Aug 2014, 16:48, More)

» Celebrations, anniversaries and milestones

Took me twenty years to realise I was bored of drinking every night, so hit it on the head last year
I didn't have a drop for about eight months at which point I thought I was bored livid of being sober, so went to the pub and really enjoyed a couple of pints, then went home. Did this a few times and realised I could drink without guzzling. Great!

What I didn't realise was what I had inadvertently done by having a long break was loose 'the thirst' where you can't stop once you've started. So now I can go to a pub, have a pint or two and leave, with no desire/thirst for any more. I now actually find the prospect of going for a session a turn off.
(Wed 1st Oct 2014, 15:30, More)

» Things you can't unsee...

I used to be a courier in London
and surprise surprise saw shit loads of unpleasant stuff you don't really want to have to see just going to work.

The bodies in traffic accidents sort of added up; I would hardly say you ever get used to seeing them, you just sort of get less shellshocked passing them by. The 'best' was a a scooter who went right under a truck; bike mangled to bits, early in riding days that left me so phased I got into a fight almost immediately with some cunt giving some dude on a bicycle grief, directly opposite Holborn nick. Fortunately, given I punched the bloke once or twice in the face, the cop who emerged from the cop shop was sympathetic why I might have been hot headed given the carnage I described just up the road. He defused the situation by stating the guy under the truck actually emerged from the truck relatively unscathed. Which sort of made me feel happy but a bit of a twat at the same time.

Then there was genuine fucking carnage. Off Hatten Garden some guy on a bicycle was flattened by a truck doing a left off Farringdon Road and his head went under the wheels. As everything came to a halt even on a bike you slow down and look at what's going down. It wasn't pleasant. Took a while to realise what exactly had happened at which point I turned off the bike and radioed in someone needed to take the packages off me. I was in no mental state to carry on working after that. Curiously, as the cops, ambulances, and fire crews turned up, I remember seeing one bike cop puking up to the side of his bike. I was still sat on mine the otherside of the road. I remember that vividly.

I was lounging on my bike another time waiting (you always do lots of waiting as a courier) on Great Titchfield Street and some guy got stabbed to death in the doorway of a Chemist. Directly in front of me the other side of the road. That was a bit mental. At the time I didn't know he was stabbed to death, because I was bored shitless and half paying attention to reality; there was just this commotion, a scuffle and the guy was lying in the doorway. And like by magic my controller radioed in and was giving me details as a crowd of people gathered. I found out he was killed when I pulled up there the other end of the day. The whole episode ended up on Crimewatch, without me the other side of the road I might add.
(Wed 25th Feb 2015, 1:31, More)

» Shit Holidays

Camping in Scotland
words can't really convey the hell that is the midges up there. Whether or not it was simply a really bad year, their presence seemed like a pretty major distraction to an otherwise truly beautiful country. And if they don't erode your will to live, the ticks will.
(Fri 15th Aug 2014, 11:17, More)

» What Makes You Cry?

A Night to Remember
The band on the deck reforming after they've said their final farewells and playing on always makes me weep uncontrollably.

Also, there's a bit when the boat has sunk and a gentleman is in the water and asks if he can get into one of the lifeboats, but is told it's full, so with a cheery 'I quite understand,' swims off into the darkness doing the breaststroke.
(Fri 8th Aug 2014, 9:53, More)
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