» I hurt my rude bits

drunkenness and poles
About a week before moving to Canada, I decided to go out and get drunk with my sister and friends on a pub crawl. A fair few vodkas and whatevers later, I was walking home with a friend and had an urge to go running in the fields; so decided to jump over a gate and get to it.
It was pitch black and I was drunk, so climbed the fence but didn't even thinking of looking before I jumped. I met the most excruciating pain ever and cried out, toppling off a nasty metal pole to the ground. Yes , I had managed to virtually impale myself on some rusty pole. I looked down and blood was seeping through my trousers.
My poor friend (a guy, bless him), carried me back to a friends house where I wincingly looked at the damage in the bathroom and promptly decided I should go to hospital. Luckily it hadn't truly impaled me, just made a rather large cut in one of my 'other' lips.
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 13:51, More)

» Sacked

Sackings
Imagine my surprise when my boss (who I was rather attracted to and had been having an affair with) told me he needed to have a private meeting with me. "Yipppee" I thought rather prematurely. We went into a meeting room and some bint from HR told me they had to "terminate my contract" cos my work wasn't up to par. Consolation was that I didn't like the job anyway and boss looked like he was gonna cry during the whole thing. I had to be escorted out of the building like some criminal, but left laughing.
As for my work, it seems I made 3 typos and missed out two spaces in documents...in three months. What a terrible track record - nob-ends!!
(Fri 24th Feb 2006, 18:02, More)