» Banks

I Robbed a Bank Once
I worked for a car and truck rental company while in college. The downtown office was in an area that had been neglected when the city "urban renewed", so the owners were fanatical about security and leaving cash about.

One Friday I worked alone due to the manager leaving early for a family event. She gave me a list with explicit instructions for making the bank deposit that afternoon. We had a fair number of cash deposit customers for the rental trucks, so a lot of cash on hand.

I almost forgot until too late, but I managed to lock up, grab the cash and deposit bag, hop into one of our new cars, and race to the bank just in time. I went in, filled out the deposit slip per the instructions on Florences note, and handed everything to a teller. She seemed a little shaken up, I assumed because of the large amount of cash -- it certainly had me shaken up. I recall it being several thousand dollars, at a time when $20 was a good days pay. I had never done a business deposit before, and the teller position gave me a nice view into the vault. I was fairly salivating at the amount of cash I could see!

Anyway, she handed me my bag back, and I noticed right away that it seemed rather full, but not having any idea what to expect I shrugged it off. I did have to ask the teller for my note back, I needed the office safe combination from the note.

Leaving the bank I was kind of in a hurry -- I was going camping for the weekend with my girl. I hopped in the car, zipped around the block, down the alley, and used my remote to open the garage door of the truck rental garage. I parked the new car in between a couple 28' trucks, stripped off my coveralls, and slipped into the office to put the bag in the safe.

That done, I got into my pickup, drove home, and headed off into the wilds of Idaho for a 4-day weekend.

When I got back to work, Florence was really pissed off! Apparently I had handed Florences note to the teller along with the deposit slip -- the note said, among other things:

PUT ALL THE CASH IN THE DEPOSIT BAG!

And:

THIS IS SERIOUS, DON'T MESS AROUND!

As these instructions were the only ones in all caps (with CASH & SERIOUS underlined), the teller read those lines and assumed I was robbing the bank. Some $75,000, plus our original deposit, had spent the weekend in our company safe. I had to give a statement to the FBI, but was fortunately off their wanted list by the time I got back to civilization.
(Thu 16th Jul 2009, 19:09, More)

» DIY Techno-hacks

My Best
Being a long-time uber-geek, I've done tons of hacks of varying quality. However one effort stands out in my mind for it's efficacy, simplicity, and overall genius:

I duct-taped a roll of duct tape to the dash of my car to make a cup holder.
(Mon 24th Aug 2009, 17:20, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Teddy
My two-year old grand-daughter somehow slipped her teddy into my suitcase before my business trip.

I've been sleeping with him all week. I forgot to hide him back in my suitcase yesterday, and the maid propped him up in the center of the bed.

God knows what they think of me now.
(Wed 23rd Sep 2009, 14:29, More)

» Procrastination

Eloped
Several decades ago, I got married. Since we were living far away from family, and couldn't afford a big deal wedding, we simply visited the local Judge one day. We were going to call the folks that night, and tell everyone what we'd done, but it slipped our minds.

The next day she thought I would call, I thought she would call, so neither of us called. We decided that it was not appropriate to say "We got married day before yesterday" via a phone call. So, we planned a trip home the next weekend, when we would tell everyone.

Things came up, and we couldn't make the trip. Before we knew it, we were a month married, and nobody except our local friends knew. We went home at Christmas with great resolve, but both families were so unkind to 'that person you're living with', that we chickened out.

Next we decided to actually have the big deal wedding, on or about our anniversary. Unfortunately, neither of us spent much time planning or arranging the event -- so it simply didn't happen.

We finally told them on our first anniversary:

"Mom, Dad -- we're married."

"Oh, no!" "This in a -- surprise." "-----!" "What? When did that happen?"

"Um, we got married last year. Today is our first anniversary."

I don't recommend eloping for a full year. It doesn't ingratiate you with anyone, really. Plus, no wedding gifts. Still, it's been 30 years, so we must have done something right.
(Sat 15th Nov 2008, 18:14, More)

» Neighbours

Shameless Pearoast
Way back when the missus and I were first married, we didn't have television. We didn't mind so much, we had many other diversions. Books, for instance. Every night at bedtime, I'd read to her for a while. Then, of course, we'd fuck like bunnies before sleeping.

I started with "The Hobbit", but she was somehow bored by Tolkein -- I know, massive character flaw, but what could I do, we were already married. I soon switched to the oddly endearing Alestier Crowley classic "Moonchild". This was apparently a hit, and all was well again.

Until the neighbors invited us to dinner. They were another young couple, although they had a kid already. Their apartment shared a wall with ours, and we realized which wall when we said our goodnights after dinner.

They said they'd better hurry and get the little one to bed, as they didn't want to miss Chapter 16. "I can't wait to hear how Lisa is doing without Cyril", the wife said.

It dawned on us then that they could hear everything that occurred in our bedroom. Absolutely everything. I like to think our newlywed passion inspired them, as they were pregnant again within months of our moving there.
(Thu 1st Oct 2009, 20:59, More)