» Family Feuds

I haven't spoken to my naan for years
Not surprising really, she's bread.
(Thu 19th Nov 2009, 10:15, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Little Britain
At the height of it's popularity, I seemed to be the only person in the country that didn't think it was the funniest show on TV. Surely I can't be the only person who thinks it is utter, utter toss?
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 14:55, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

on the subject of mobile phones
put your hand up if you've ever realised you can't find your phone, and began frantically searching all of your pockets... before realising you're currently talking to somebody on the bloody thing.

_{puts hand up}
(Thu 30th Jul 2009, 15:39, More)

» Food sex

The most painful thing that ever happened to me
I'd just finished eating a fish supper with my ladyfriend whilst sitting on my bed, and bloated from all the food, we were settling down for a night of back2back Nip/Tuck episodes and perhaps some naughtiness later on once the food had gone down. Before this could get underway however, I decided it would be prudent to clear away all of the dishes etc. Save having to do it in the morning.

She had other ideas however. Turns out she wasn't as full as I was, and before I had time to react, my throbbing member was deep inside or her mouth, the same mouth which just five minutes previously had been masticating a piece of battered cod.

Turns out the salt from the accompanying chips was still in her mouth too though. The stinging sensation I felt at the top of my helmet was like nothing I've felt before or since. Sheer, raw, uncompromising pain. So great in fact was the agony, that it caused me to jerk backwards and fall arse-end first off the side of the bed... straight on top of the bottle of Heinz ketchup that we'd been using to garnish our feast of fish and chips not ten minutes prior.

Explaining that one at A&E was a bit tricky, especially when they found an unmistakable latex sheeth over the top of the bottle, which I can only presume my girlfriend had put there due to having misplaced the original lid and not wanting the contents to go off. Bless her.

Not sure they believed me in the end.
(Fri 7th Aug 2009, 12:39, More)

» Buses

routemasters
did anyone ever jump off one while it was still moving? did this once 'for kicks' when i was in my early teens. as the bus slowed in it's approach to the next stop, i waited for just the perfect moment when the bus would still be going fast enough for me to get my much needed funs, but not so slow that it wouldn't be worth it. as it turns out i sliiightly misjudged how fast the bus was actually going, only realising my miscalculation when my feet touched the ground and the momentum caused me to sprint like linford christie (this was in the 90's, so i'll compare as such) for several metres. straight in to a bin. to the amusement of everyone.
(Fri 26th Jun 2009, 14:35, More)