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» My Greatest Regrets
Lesbians
Got very drunk after work one night with some of the lads. Left before the footy finished as was ballooned. Got "talking" to two pretty girls in the street sort of "aza azar azar I luv yerz aza zar hic". They said they were lesbians and I didn't believe them and harried them mercilessly thinking I was "in". They went into a gay bar to "prove" it. I followed them in. I eventually decided I wasn't "in" at all and had absolutely NO CHANCE. I think I was asked to leave by a large gentleman. I left.
On way out got spotted by the lads from work who were walking past on other side of road. I was LEAVING A GAY BAR. They saw me. Have never lived it down and it's something that is difficult to deny. It just makes things worse. What can you say? The rumours went round work like wild fire and got funny looks from just about EVERYBODY. Still gotta laugh. Sob.
(Fri 6th Oct 2006, 13:36, More)
Lesbians
Got very drunk after work one night with some of the lads. Left before the footy finished as was ballooned. Got "talking" to two pretty girls in the street sort of "aza azar azar I luv yerz aza zar hic". They said they were lesbians and I didn't believe them and harried them mercilessly thinking I was "in". They went into a gay bar to "prove" it. I followed them in. I eventually decided I wasn't "in" at all and had absolutely NO CHANCE. I think I was asked to leave by a large gentleman. I left.
On way out got spotted by the lads from work who were walking past on other side of road. I was LEAVING A GAY BAR. They saw me. Have never lived it down and it's something that is difficult to deny. It just makes things worse. What can you say? The rumours went round work like wild fire and got funny looks from just about EVERYBODY. Still gotta laugh. Sob.
(Fri 6th Oct 2006, 13:36, More)
» My Greatest Regrets
TOILET PAPER
I'm in a run-down office in Moscow (although that isn't important to the story) a few years ago. I was in a meeting and DESPERATE for a poo. A coffee break assured me of an opportunity so I scarpered for the nearest bogs. Thankfully, the bogs looked clean so I immediately dropped my strides and let loose a broadside that sort of came out in a spray. A real mess. I suppose I was repaying Neptune for all the kisses he'd given me in the past. ANyway, a few minutes later, the cramps have passed, there is nothing left inside and it's time to tidy up. I look around. I look around again. There is ONE miserable toilet roll with about 3 sheets on it. This isn't nearly enough. Had to use the pages from a pocket diary that was in my jacket. You know, those pages with the shiny gold edging? Well, I can tell you that it's not the most ideal method of wiping your backside. Oh, the memories. I regret going to a toilet in a foreign country totally unprepared. TRAVEL TIPS FOR THE INEPT BUSINESSMAN: Take WIPES. They fit in a jacket pocket quite nicely and can get you out of many scrapes. Portable civilization.
(Mon 9th Oct 2006, 11:38, More)
TOILET PAPER
I'm in a run-down office in Moscow (although that isn't important to the story) a few years ago. I was in a meeting and DESPERATE for a poo. A coffee break assured me of an opportunity so I scarpered for the nearest bogs. Thankfully, the bogs looked clean so I immediately dropped my strides and let loose a broadside that sort of came out in a spray. A real mess. I suppose I was repaying Neptune for all the kisses he'd given me in the past. ANyway, a few minutes later, the cramps have passed, there is nothing left inside and it's time to tidy up. I look around. I look around again. There is ONE miserable toilet roll with about 3 sheets on it. This isn't nearly enough. Had to use the pages from a pocket diary that was in my jacket. You know, those pages with the shiny gold edging? Well, I can tell you that it's not the most ideal method of wiping your backside. Oh, the memories. I regret going to a toilet in a foreign country totally unprepared. TRAVEL TIPS FOR THE INEPT BUSINESSMAN: Take WIPES. They fit in a jacket pocket quite nicely and can get you out of many scrapes. Portable civilization.
(Mon 9th Oct 2006, 11:38, More)
» Pet Stories
Cats
Cats are shit. Alright?
Frogs, toads and newts are where it's at.
Cats eat frogs, toads and newts.
So cats are shit. Alright?
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 13:53, More)
Cats
Cats are shit. Alright?
Frogs, toads and newts are where it's at.
Cats eat frogs, toads and newts.
So cats are shit. Alright?
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 13:53, More)