» The most cash I've ever carried

The most amount of Cash I will ever carry is $15,000,000.00.
It was pure chance, destiny, star alignment, call it what you will. I was there one dull overcast Monday morning opening my email, and there I saw it, an offer I couldn't refuse. Albert Fred from Nigeria had gone through so much. He opened up to me as if he'd known me forever. He knew I was trustworthy, but when I pushed him on this he wouldn't say how he knew. Not only had his Sister, Aunt and Cousins been killed in a terrible Air Crash but his Mother and father two months ago had dropped dead. This man still found it in him to write to me amidst all his emotional trauma. What bad luck could bestow one individual. Now he was alone in Nigeria, with no family and none he trusted. The least I could do for him was to set up an Off Shore account and pretend to The Central Nigerian Bank to be a distant relative so that he could get hold of his inheritance. .Another coincidence was that Albert worked In The Central Nigerian Bank. I only found this out when I compared the Email addresses. Bless him, he wasn't going to tell me, I think he was embarrassed. Considering he had an education his punctuation and pigeon English was dismal. I looked up ticket cost on priceline.com for a round-trip flight from London to Nigeria. I really thought I could do with a holiday, and combining a bit of business would be fun.

So, 30% for me and 60% to him with 10% VAT. Trouble is I hadn't reckoned on the cost of all the legal documents amounting too $4000.00 up front. We swapped photos. Albert, I must say looked a bit of a catch. If he could lend me the $4000.00 for the legalities I would doubly pay him back when I had the $4.5 million.

So far Albert has stalled on this arrangement.

Albert I'm sure will apologise for length.
(Wed 28th Jun 2006, 9:25, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

terrible 'accident'
Didn't happen to me but I paid a medical claim for a man who 'fell' on a cucumber once. Which prompted me to pend the claim for accident details. (Cause hey - I was bored at work and I just HAD to see the explanation). The claim came back in with 'accident details' to the effect of: The guy went grocery shopping, and put his groceries on the kitchen counter. Then he set about making himself some tea - and spilled water on the floor in the process. While he waited for the water to boil - he decided a hot bath sounded nice. So he stripped down and got ready for his bath. The tea kettle started to whistle so he ran for the kitchen, slipped on the water puddle he'd neglected to wipe up and accidently knocked the grocery bag onto the floor. He then opined that he must have fell on the cucumber JUST RIGHT,(which sounds realistic to me). Come on, guys. Let he who hasn’t accidentally sat on a nine-inch unwrapped cucumber causing it to become deeply embedded in his poop chute, cast
the first stone.
(Tue 18th Jul 2006, 11:05, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

Not me
but it should have been. I once when I was 6 or 7 managed to get a boy expelled from School. He'd just joined the schooll - from Australia I think. He was anxious to fit in. I taught him to play my favourite game of that time, 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.' He took some persuading.
Trouble was all the teacher on dinner duty saw was me peering under the table and him at the end of this long table with his willy out. Cue me being called out of P.E and questioned about what I saw. Me being a quiet embarrased little girl, when I wasn't playing these games. He was expelled from that moment.

I expect to this day he has on his records that he is a sexual deviant - whereas it's me.
(Mon 21st Aug 2006, 11:19, More)