» We have to talk

Drama Queens
People who use the phrase "we need to talk" are simply drama queens, seeking a bit of attention and wanting to recreate some scene from an el wanky soap opera (Hollyoaks, Home and Away, The OC etc etc). The phrase is quite often said via email or text, leaving some time before the "talk" can take place. But you know damn fucking well what the "talk" is about, hence the user of the phrase being a dumb fuck of a human being who needs a bitch slap for being so damn preppy. Best way to deal with this is to use the well known phrase "FUCK OFF KNOBHEAD".

Ah that felt good
(Sat 21st Apr 2007, 19:26, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Bungle
....years ago while doing my A Levels, we had some fat, sweaty trainee teacher person taking a class. At one point, he was droning on about something and reached behind him to pull down the blackboard thing (this was obviously in the days before those plastic whiteboard things). Now imagine trainee's wonder at why twenty 17 year olds had all started sniggering and worst still, why the real teacher was pissing himself laughing..... what trainee didn't realise was that as he'd rolled the board down he had revealed a little graffiti that someone had left behind:

"Zippy and Bungle
Went to the jungle
Having lots of fun
Zippy got silly
And took out his willy
And stuck it up Bungle's bum"

:-D
(Fri 4th May 2007, 13:13, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Slightly un-PC
Saw this on a London-bound train after 7/7. On the posters saying what to do in the light of an emergency there is a little note that if you have to leave the train, take care on the tracks and watch out for approaching trains. However, some wag had scratched out "trains" and inserted "Muslims"....... obviously the political-correctness brigade would be up in arms but I had to allow myself a little smirk on a miserable day into work!
(Fri 4th May 2007, 11:40, More)

» Personal Hygiene

Hairy neighbours
my next door neighbours are total cunts from cuntland. If there was a degree in cuntyness, they'd excel. Not only are they obnoxious, loud, thick and generally in-bred, they're also gross. To demonstrate: last summer, I heard the dulcet tones of the thick old git bellowing out in his back garden. I happened to be upstairs in my abode so thought I'd be a nosey arse and see what the smelly old sod was up to. Imagine my horror to see him almost starkers, sat on a stool in the middle of his garden, being shaved by his fat wife? Now, I'm not talking about a shave a la barber shop shave. I'm talking shaving his body. The main makes the fucking yeti look smooth as a baby's bum. This man is covered in wiry, grey hair, all over his hideous body. And his fatty arbuckle wife was merrily snipping away at his hairy body, letting wisps of fur float on the summer breeze, into my fucking garden!!! Filthy, filthy old gits!
(Mon 26th Mar 2007, 11:36, More)

» School Trips

Stolen penguin...
.....this isn't my own experience but it is an amusing tale so I shall share. Pal of mine told me about a school trip she went on to some zoo or other when she was about 8. She and her fellow pupils all had a rather jolly time looking at the animals, especially the penguins who had had little baby penguins - all very cute and fluffy. So, on the coach home and all is well.....until half way back a teacher spies one of the kids engrossed in something in her bag. And what does the teacher spy on approaching said nipper? yep, a cute fluffy little penguin. Cue coach being ordered to stop ASAP and take poor little penguin back home. Bless
(Fri 8th Dec 2006, 10:35, More)