» Going Too Far

So bored we went hillwalking
One of my friends "back in the day" and myself made a point of trying to do something interesting and exciting every Sunday. Sadly, this Sunday was different. The world was boring. We were boring. We ended up driving about in the hills aimlessly, until we found a signpost that pointed to some tourist monument, up a hill.

Being exceedingly bored, we stopped and began walking up it. As we walked up, the hill got steeper on either side of the path... there were rocks sitting there so we started rolling them off the edge. We got up to boulders about a foot in diameter, pushing them off, hearing them go bouncing down the hill and the odd splash as they hit water. Again, I can only stress how bored out of our skull we were that this was a highlight of the day.

In the distance was the holy grail... a HUGE rock that looked about 2 feet wide! It was just begging to be pushed... so we did. Off it went... *THUMP*... *THUMP*... *THUMP*...

then - "BAAAAAA!" *THUMPTHUMP* and two loud splashes. We still don't know what it hit, or if it survived, but on hindsight, that HUGE boulder was maybe one too far.
(Sun 12th Nov 2006, 3:54, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Face / Lamp post combination
Ah, the old classics never die... bacon & cheese... salt & vinegar... and a young boy's face and a lamp post. I should know, I was that boy.

The place was Glasgow in the late 80s, Cumbernauld Road in Dennistoun, to be precise. The time was about 15 minutes before I was due to be in school. I was on a bus - one of the old Routemasters that Kelvin had bought on the cheap from London and repainted in their best mouthwash blue and bile yellow paint job - and quite enjoying the day. I had a walkman, loaded with the latest Twix Trax compilation tape... ah yes, those were the days.

My stop was coming up and I was standing at the platform at the back of the bus waiting to get off - this newfangled (to Glaswegians, anyway) open door at the back was still great fun, especially for kids at the time. As the bus slowed for the stop, I noticed some girls... in particular THE girl of the school. Every school had one like her, the first one with built in airbags.

Seeing her there in the street, I knew she was waiting for someone to impress her and sweep her off her feet, and share the treasure of her chest (sorry) with them. That person would be me. I'd do it by hopping off the bus in a manly fashion, before it stopped. That would surely win her affection!

I checked to make sure she was watching as the bus neared a stop - still moving but slowing up - and made my hop off the bus. It was elegant, it was graceful, it was nonchalant... sadly, it was also timed perfectly to put me on a collision course with a lamp post. Also timed perfectly was me turning my head just in time to come face to face with said lamp post.

When I came round, I had made an impression. Granted, it was an impression of a lamp post in my skull, but still.

Didn't have to do PE that day, so not a total loss!
(Tue 26th Jan 2010, 16:16, More)