» The Boss

Not very funny just really really bitter... and really really long....
I worked for 18 months for a husband and wife team at a 'london style', Bahrain based 'branding consultancy'. They insisted on putting a commitment to living the brand into our contracts, and laid claim to a fanatical dedication to the environment and sustainable development.

They had excruciating brand mantras and daily circlew4nks. They made us all take part in toe curling bonding exercises like having to write our favorite things about each other which we then had to read them to our horrified colleagues faces at the christmas party. They asked about our star signs at the interview stage, and placed a boundary of rice around the office to ward off negative spirits. We all also had to draw 'angel' cards daily to show to one another to aid our 'mutual personal growth'. A hypocritical mandate from a pair of neo-fascists who loved nothing but money and the sound of their own voices.

She had a 'happiness' book from which she would read excerpts if you displeased her by 'un-positive' acts. They knew when this occurred as they monitored all mail, and he watched us on remote desktop to monitor productivity. Every time we opened hotmail there would be a mysterious inquiry across the open plan studio about what we were working on.

Their philanthropic and environmental credentials were tarnished further by their need to race to work, her in a Chelsea tractor and him in a sports car. They motivated staff to work eighteen hour days by repeatedly telling them that they weren't dedicated or positive enough if they only worked sixteen.

I once took a lecture on lack of commitment for leaving on time on my anniversary. Most people just sat there every night like terrified mongs, shuffling papers around on their desks until the bosses left in order to avoid a lecture.

They also took huge wads of cash from the corporations that had decimated the marine ecology of the gulf by building huge man-made islands for the likes of David Beckham and his emaciated insect of a wife.

I shed a tear for the poor twunts that still work there. They even outshone the boss i worked for in a London marketing agency who took me and a colleague (aged only 21) skiing in france to use us as bait for girlies (funnier if you knew my monstrous visage) then asked us to smuggle his gak through Heathrow for him as he 'had a wife and kid to think about"

We declined.

Oh and the guy in Bradford who used to get the female studio manager to clean the granny pr0n off his computer when it became fatally choked with malware...

Oh happy days...
(Sun 21st Jun 2009, 15:34, More)