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Hello.

Moan moan moan.
______

Now, would you like to see some tiresome crap?


Here are some pictures wot I done back in the days when my employers weren't watching what I was doing all the sodding time.


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Manger Douse!
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Oh, dear. After all these years of resistance, I finally took one of these tests. I'm downright bloody miserable about the result.


Your result for The Which Famous Poet Are You Test...

Philip Larkin!

You scored 38 Demeanour, 77 Debauchery, 54 Traditionalism, and 70 Expression!


Cheer up, asshole. Everyone loves you, and still you treat them like shit. And still they love you! They love you all the more for it! Why is that, do you suppose? Because you're a freakin genius, that's why! You make an insult sound like love song! You spew your venom at the world and the world laps it up! From your dark, ugly little heart gushes forth a veritable geyser of gorgeous ideas and melodious language. I hate you. Let's hang out sometime. Your masterpiece is "The Less Deceived".


Take The Which Famous Poet Are You Test
at HelloQuizzy




Oh god. Now I've done one, I can't stop.


Your result for The Despot / Small Woodland Creature Test...

Ghengis Khan the Mouse

34% Brutality, 33% Wackiness, 43% Playfulness, 33% Strength, 69% Kindness, 21% Agility and 71% Intelligence!


Genghis Khan was the founder, ruler and emperor of the Mongol Empire, the largest contiguous empire in history. He came to power by uniting many of the nomadic tribes of northeast Asia. After founding the Mongol Empire and being proclaimed "Genghis Khan", he started the Mongol invasions and raids of the Kara-Khitan Khanate, Caucasus, Khwarezmid Empire, Western Xia and Jin dynasties. During his life, the Mongol Empire eventually occupied a substantial portion of Central Asia. Genghis rose to power as a mouse, overcoming his lack of physical size with the extent of his heart and his vision. The mouse's innate kindness and love of life will serve you well, as they did the mighty Khan.


Take The Despot / Small Woodland Creature Test
at HelloQuizzy



Yet more of this shit. I really can't stop. Hey, maybe you'll eventually get an idea of what I'm really like, for which I apologise in advance.


Your result for The Super-Power Quiz!...

Telekinesis


You might be considered a brainiac, but that's okay... Once you set your mind on something the deal is sealed. Your mind is your most powerful asset, and those around you are well aware of that. There are few people who would dare to challenege your intellect, and you're five steps ahead of everyone anyway! You just sit back and control things with your thoughts, and you wouldn't have it any other way.


Take The Super-Power Quiz!
at HelloQuizzy




Oh, dear. This one's a bit grim.


Your result for Which musical mode are you?...

You are Phrygian Mode


Phrygian Mode. The darkest of the Minor Modes. Characterised by the flattened 2nd scale degree.


You really don't get the world, and the world just doesn't get you. You probably have very few friends. Who needs 'em though? No one could understand you anyway. When you look out your window, the world is dark and pointless. All these "normal" people going about their "normal" lives disgust you. They just don't understand how empty their lives really are.


Take Which musical mode are you?
at HelloQuizzy




Now we're getting arcane. I've got an A-level in Philosophy, don't you know. Grade C. But it was an adult evening class with non-compulsory essays/effort!


Your result for The Sublime Philosophical Crap Test...

N-S-R

You scored 67% Non-Reductionism, 33% Epistemological Absolutism, and 33% Moral Objectivism!


You are an N-S-R: a metaphysical Non-Reductionist, an epistemological Skeptic, and a moral Relativist. If you are simply dying inside to figure out what all this mumbo-jumbo means, then simply continue reading.




Metaphysics: Non-Reductionism (Idealism or Realism)
In metaphysics, my test measures your tendency towards Reductionism or Non-Reductionism. As a Non-Reductionist, you recognize that reality is not necessarily simple or unified, and you thus tend to produce a robust ontology instead of carelessly shaving away hypothetical entities that reflect our philosophical experiences. My test recognizes two types of Non-Reductionists: Idealists and Realists.


1. Idealists believe that reality is fundamentally unknowable. All we can ever know is the world of sense experience, thought, and other phenomena which are only distorted reflections of an ultimate (or noumenal) reality. Kant, one of the most significant philosophers in history, theorized that human beings perceive reality in such a way that they impose their own mental frameworks and categories upon reality, fully distorting it. Reality for Kant is unconceptualized and not subject to any of the categories our minds apply to it. Idealists are non-reductionists because they recognize that the distinction between phenomenal reality and ultimate reality cannot be so easily discarded or unified into a single reality. They are separate and distinct, and there is no reason to suppose the one mirrors the other. Major philosophical idealists include Kant and Fichte.


If your views are different from the above, then you may be a Realist.
2. Realists deny the validity of sloppy metaphysical reductions, because they feel that there is no reason to suspect that reality reflects principles of parsimony or simplicity. Realism is the most common-sensical of the metaphysical views. It doesn't see reality as a unity or as reducible to matter or mind, nor does it see reality as divided into a phenomenal world of experience and an unknowable noumenal world of things-in-themselves. Realist metaphysics emphasizes that reality is for the most part composed of the things we observe and think. On the question of the existence of universals, for instance, a realist will assert that while universals do not physically exist, the relations they describe in particulars are as real as the particular things themselves, giving universals a type of reality. Thus, no reduction is made. On the mind-body problem, realists tend to believe that minds and bodies both exist, and the philosophical problems involved in reducing mind to matter or matter to mind are too great to warrant such a reduction. Finally, realists deny that reality is ultimately a Unity or Absolute, though they recognize that reality can be viewed as a Unity when we consider the real relations between the parts as constituting this unity--but it doesn't mean that the world isn't also made up of particular things. Aristotle and Popper are famous realists.


*****




Epistemology: Skepticism (Idealism or Subjectivism)
In regards to epistemology, my test measures your tendency towards Absolutism or Skepticism. As an epistemological Skeptic, you believe that ultimate reality cannot be known in any objective way. The two categories of Skeptics that my test recognizes are Idealists and Subjectivists.


1. Epistemological Idealists believe that knowledge of ultimate reality is impossible. All we can ever have knowledge about is the world of phenomenal human experience, but there is no reason to suspect that reality mirrors our perceptions and thoughts, according to Idealists. Idealists, then, tend to see truth not as a correspondence between propositions and reality--reality is, after all, fundamentally unknowable--but as a coherence between a whole system of propositions taken to be true. We cannot escape from language or our conceptualized world of phenomena, so we are unable to reference propositions to facts and must instead determine their truth by comparing them to other propositions we hold to be true. As a result of such an idealism, knowledge of any ultimate reality is taken to be impossible, hence the Skeptical tendency of idealism. All our pursuits of knowledge, science included, can only reflect a phenomenal reality that is of our own making. Famous idealists include Kant and Fichte.


If the above did not sound skeptical or idealistic enough to reflect your own views, then you are most likely a Subjectivist.
2. Epistemological Subjectivists, like idealists, believe that all our knowledge is ultimately of our own making because it is filtered through our subjective perceptions. Unlike an idealist, though, a subjectivist doesn't believe in any universal categories of "truth" that apply to the phenomenal world, because each individual can create his own truth. Either that, or he will hold that society or custom creates its own forms of truth. A subjectivist will tend to regard scientific inquiry as a game of sorts--science does not reveal truths about reality, but only gives scientists pseudo-solutions to pseudo-problems of the scientific community's own devising. It is a type of puzzle-solving, but the puzzle isn't of reality. The definition of truth to a subjectivist may be one that recognizes a proposition's usefulness to an individual. William James is one such subjectivist, who believes that we can "will to believe" certain propositions so long as we would find them useful. The example he gives is being found in a situation where you must leap over a chasm in order to survive. The true belief, in such a situation, is that the leap will be successful--this truth is certainly more useful to us, and in believing the truth we become more willing to commit to the jump and make it successful. So, in essence, knowledge of reality is possible for a subjectivist because they never make reference to any objective reality existing outside of our own perceptions and beliefs--we can have knowledge of reality through having knowledge of ourselves, and that is all that we should ask for. Famous subjectivists include Kuhn, Feyarabend, and James. Another famed critic of Absolutism is Hume.


*****




Ethics: Relativism (Subjectivism or Emotivism)
My test measures one's tendency towards moral Objectivism or moral Relativism in regards to ethics. As a moral Relativist, you tend to see moral choices as describing a subject's reaction to a moral object or situation, and not as a property of the moral object itself. You may also feel that moral words are meaningless because they do not address any empirical fact about the world. My test recognizes two types of moral relativists--Subjectivists and Emotivists.


1. Subjectivists see individual or collective desires as defining a situation's or object's moral worth. Thus, the subject, not the object itself, determines the value. Subjectivists recognize that social rules, customs, and morality have been wide-ranging and quite varied throughout history among various cultures. As a result, Subjectivism doesn't attempt to issue hard and fast rules for judging the moral worth of things. Instead, it recognizes that what we consider "good" and "right" is not bound by any discernable rule. There is no one trait that makes an act good or right, because so many different kinds of things have been called good and right. In regards to the definition of "good" or "right", a Subjectivist will tend to define it as whatever a particular person or group of people desire. They do not define it merely as "happiness" or "pleasure", for instance, because sometimes we desire to do things that do not produce pleasure, and because we don't consider all pleasurable things good. Furthermore, Subjectivists recognize the validity of consequentialism in that sometimes we refer to consequences as good and bad--but they also recognize that our intentions behind an action, or the means to the end, can also determine an act's moral worth. Again, there is no one rule to determine these things. Hence the relativism of moral Subjectivism. The most well-known of the subjectivists is Nietzsche.


If that didn't sound like your position, then you are probably the other variety of moral Relativist--the Emotivist.
Emotivists are moral Relativists only in a very slanted sense, because they actually deny that words about morality have any meaning at all. An Emotivist would probably accept Hume's argument that it is impossible to derive an "ought" from an "is"--no factual state of affairs can logically entail any sort of moral action. Furthermore, a emotivist's emphasis on scientific (and hence empirical) verification and testing quickly leads to the conclusion that concepts such as "good" and "right" don't really describe any real qualities or relations. Science is never concerned with whether a particular state of affairs is moral or right or good--and an emotivist feels much the same way. Morality is thus neither objective or subjective for the emotivist--it is without any meaning at all, a sort of vague ontological fiction that is merely a symbol for our emotional responses to certain events. Famous emotivists include Ayer and other positivists associated with the Vienna Circle.


*****


As you can see, when your philosophical position is narrowed down there are so many potential categories that an OKCupid test cannot account for them all. But, taken as very broad categories or philosophical styles, you are best characterized as an N-S-R. Your exact philosophical opposite would be an R-A-O.


About the Author



Saint_gasoline is a crazed madman who spends all of his time writing OKCupid tests and ranting about philosophy and science. If you are interested in reading more of his insane ramblings, or seeing his deliciously trite webcomic, go to SaintGasoline.com.


Take The Sublime Philosophical Crap Test
at HelloQuizzy




And finally...
I was astonished by the result of this one. Dunno if it'll frighten off all the lovely b3tagirls, or attract them like flesh-crazed wolverines. Still, here we go.


Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test...

The Exotic Lover

32% partner focus, 38% aggressiveness, 65% adventurousness


Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:



You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.



This places you in the Lover Style of: The Exotic Lover.



The Exotic Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and conjures images of the exotic, romantic hero out of a romance novel, or perhaps a slightly dangerous and deadly sexy femme fatale from a noir mystery. The Exotic Lover loves pleasure and is a treasure to date, though it can be difficult to do so because they sometimes tend to be mysterious and reluctant to commit.



In terms of physical love, the Exotic Lover can be quite surprising, as they are often more exciting and adventurous than predicted. Given a little freedom, and the right lover, the Exotic Lover can be a delight in bed.



Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Liberated Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Romantic Lover.



Congratulations!



If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:



Nerds, Geeks & Dorks



Professional Wrestling




Buffy the Vampire Slayer




America/Politics




Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST


Take The Lover Style Profile Test
at HelloQuizzy



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Best answers to questions:

» Housemates from hell

Steve
was a terrifying 6'4" nutter who drank cheap cider all day every day, had a large collection of Nazi memorabilia, and would wake the household daily before 7am with a mixture of Henry Rollins and a £2.99 tape of marching bagpipe choons he'd bought from Woolworth's.
I once pinched 4 slices of bread out of his portion of kitchen cupboard. The next day, every bit of food I had in the house had had a picture of a human eye cut out from a magazine sellotaped to it, accompanied with various renderings of the word 'GUILTY' scrawled in red biro on little scraps of brown envelope paper.
Could never quite tell if his laugh had any mirth in it, or was just intended to be menacing.
(Wed 11th Apr 2007, 15:35, More)

» Accidental innuendo

I was in a shorthand class a few years ago. About 15 of us, mostly in their early 20s.
I was 30-odd and the oldest, most should-know-better-ish in the room, bar the tutor.
We'd just taken down a bit of dictation, using our half-learned squiggles as best we could.
The tutor was going back through the passage (nudge) and making sure we'd all got the right squiggles down.

TUTOR: Did everybody get 'would'?

ME: Christ, Pat, it wasn't that exciting...

Poor ol' Pat was the only one in the room who didn't have a clue what all the laughter was for...


(Oh, and a bonus feature: the top dawg in our local horticultural society seems to see nothing wrong with calling himself Dick Eaton.)
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 0:37, More)

» Useless advice

I too have been told never to go to bed angry.
I haven't slept since 1979.
Grrr.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 14:00, More)

» Useless advice

Some weird American bloke with a big nose & funny hair told me this:
Look out kid
Its somethin you did
God knows when
But youre doin it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin for a new friend
The man in the coon-skin cap
In the pig pen
Wants eleven dollar bills
You only got ten

Look out kid
Dont matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes
Dont try no doz
Better stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You dont need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows

Get sick, get well
Hang around a ink well
Ring bell, hard to tell
If anything is goin to sell
Try hard, get barred
Get back, write braille
Get jailed, jump bail
Join the army, if you fail

Look out kid
Youre gonna get hit
But losers, cheaters
Six-time users
Hang around the theaters
Girl by the whirlpool
Lookin for a new fool
Dont follow leaders
Watch the parkin meters

Ah get born, keep warm
Short pants, romance, learn to dance
Get dressed, get blessed
Try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts
Dont steal, dont lift
Twenty years of schoolin
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
They keep it all hid
Better jump down a manhole
Light yourself a candle
Dont wear sandals
Try to avoid the scandals
Dont wanna be a bum
You better chew gum
The pump dont work
cause the vandals took the handles



And I STILL have to get up in the morning.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 11:57, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

Our Nan called me to go round and install her new computer.
Turned out some bastad had sold her a broken microwave.
(Mon 25th Sep 2006, 13:55, More)
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