» Inappropriate crushes

Labyrinth
I first watched The Labyrinth when I was about 8. I can still remember being besotted with Sarah in her baggy white blouse and tight jeans.

Near the beginning of her journey, she's walking down the walled corridor (where she meets the worm, and just before she meets Hoggle). And then some upbeat music starts and as if she were an angel, she starts to run.

Her dark hair flowing behind her, her little brown plimsoles. The breasticulars!!. Oh, the breasticulars under her loose white shirt were clearly not supported by anything as inhibiting as a brassiere. I used to imagine them under there, jigging up and down, occasionally the nipples being stroked by her flowing blouse, and her getting turned on by it a little bit. I was in love.

Shortly after this display of shear wonderfulness, she meets Hoggle. The ugly dwarf thing, and he's fumigating what could only be described by his mannerisms and general mood, as a garden pest.

But oh no. I was in heaven. Sarah, with her delicate hands, picks up one of the pests.

It's a fairy. A fucking hot fairy. It's now sitting in Sarah's hand. My first encounter of lesbian action! The fairy had sparkly cute wings with a little, lace, low-cut mini dress and bare feet.

I've watched The Labyrinth over and over again during my 23 years of life and I can still manage to deplete a box of Kleenex on the strength of it.


No apologies for length.

I'm off. To watch The Labyrinth

Share my Labyrinth love:

Sarah

Fairy
(Thu 28th Sep 2006, 16:01, More)

» Travel

Me an the ex-gf went to Lanzarote for our first holiday together.
We arrived at the hotel, checked in and duly went to our room. The room was great, it was big and a cool break from the sun. But, checking out the balcony overlooking the pool we were disappointed that there was a large tree right in front of the balcony, it's foliage completely blocking the view of the pool.

We went down to reception to ask if we could change rooms to one with a better view but alas, there were no more vacant rooms. Deciding that we could probably live with it then, we went out for the afternoon to explore the local area.

We were only out for a couple of hours and when we came back, walking through the pool area to get to our apartment, we saw a man with a very large handsaw cutting down a tree across the way.

We got back up to the room and found that it was the tree in front of our balcony they were cutting down our balcony was now bathed in warm sunshine and had a clear, uninterrupted view of the pool.

Say what you like abvout "Lanzagrotty", but the customer service and eagerness to please was impeccable.
(Mon 22nd Apr 2013, 15:01, More)

» Road Rage

I had a Renault 5 at the time.
I was driving home from work and was itching to put my foot down. You know, like you do sometimes. I just wanted to go fast.

I was behind a guy doing 55mph in a 60 zone so I thought; great I'll overtake and get it out of my system.

It was a fairly wide road and it had a very slight and long curve round to the right. "O.K., Go!” I accelerated. Now, I was in a Renault 5 remember, Campus 1000cc to be exact (super dude, woo!), I gained slowly, but surely and pulled out to go past.

In the distance I see a car coming the other way and I'm struggling to get passed this guy. I'm too far to abort, but not quite fast enough to get back in lane in time. I'm now level with the guy I'm overtaking, and put my foot to the actual floor! My heart is pounding my chest like a child trapped in a toy box.

The car coming towards me starts flashing his lights, we're getting closer and closer at a combined speed of at least 120mph, then, as soon as my back end was inches in front of the guy I was overtaking, I darted in, and the opposing car whizzes by flashing and beeping the fuck out of his horn.

The 55mph guy, now behind me is also flashing me. Clearly pissed off that I just endangered his and the opposing driver's lives. But I don't care. I'm alive and THAT was an adrenaline rush!

I look up, "Shit. Road works". The light is green, "Please stay green, please stay green, please stay green". They change to red.

Now I have to sit and look at that guy behind me in my rear view mirror.

Trying to avoid looking in my mirror, I adjust my radio. "Knock, Knock".

"Fuck".

I wound down my window. He said "Nice driving back there."

I just smiled sheepishly.

"What's even better is that I'm an off-duty police officer, and I'm going to issue you a summons. Your number plate, F432 MBW isn't it? Right, cheers mate, have a nice day."

At this point I started shaking. I was actually in shock, and shitting my pants. I kept getting flashes of me standing in the dock being shouted at wigged barristers and the shame I would bring on my family.

The lights changed green and I drove away at about 40 miles an hour for the rest of the way home.

I dreaded the post every morning after that for about 6 weeks. Then I thought to myself, "Hang on, that guy didn't provide any I.D., he didn't give me any documentation, and he didn't record the incident, he's off duty, if he is a copper at all, and he was driving a shitty Peugeot 106. He just said that to scare the shit out of me..."

What a fucking lengthy canting bustard.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 12:46, More)

» Brain Fade

I peed in the kitchen bin once.
I got up, went to the kitchen, put my foot on the pedal to open the lid and did my pee. I even aimed at and tried to move an envelope in the bin with the stream before I suddenly realised what I was doing.

I finished my wee in the loo and covered the wet rubbish in the bin with a few scrunches of kitchen paper.
(Tue 26th Mar 2013, 10:58, More)

» Travel

So, you like, want to see my holiday photos?

(Thu 18th Apr 2013, 17:49, More)