Profile for Bob the Builder:
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
- a member for 3 years, 2 months and 4 days
- has posted 0 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 4 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 0 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 0 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Council Cunts
Hire a traffic warden
A couple of years ago, I was working for a certain police force. This was back in the days when the traffic wardens were part of the police, before they were privatised and the franchise was given to Lowest Bidder plc.
One day, I was in the office of the Chief Traffic Warden, and this was the tale he told.
A Well Known Supermarket applied for planning permission to extend one of their (three) stores. The city council granted permission, but because the extension was likely to result in more traffic, they imposed a condition which said the Well Known Supermarket (I won't name them, but it rhymes with Mazda) had to pay £10,000 (I think) towards traffic improvements.
So the extension gets built, and this things ends up on the desk of the Chief Traffic Warden, who thinks WTF??? He rings up the supermarket, and the conversation goes like this:
Chief TW: It says here that I'm supposed to provide you with ten grand's worth of services, but all I can actually do is send round a traffic warden, and he won't be able to do anything. Why don’t we just forget about it?
Man from Mazda: Oh, we can't do that, because of the planning permission. Tell you what, why don't you invoice us for ten grand for doing nothing, and we'll pay it.
Chief TW: Are you sure?
Man from Mazda: Yeah, that's what we make in twenty minutes on a Sunday anyway. Don't worry about it.
So the Chief TW goes off to the Head of Finance at the police, and says "Is it okay if we send Mazda a bill for £10000 for doing fuck all?" and she says "No."
So then the Chief TW has to send a traffic warden up to Mazda until they've had ten grands' worth of his services at £25/hour + VAT. When the guy gets there, he can either wander round the car park, looking for out of date tax discs, or sit in Mazda's canteen, drinking tea.
(Fri 27th Jul 2007, 22:21, More)
Hire a traffic warden
A couple of years ago, I was working for a certain police force. This was back in the days when the traffic wardens were part of the police, before they were privatised and the franchise was given to Lowest Bidder plc.
One day, I was in the office of the Chief Traffic Warden, and this was the tale he told.
A Well Known Supermarket applied for planning permission to extend one of their (three) stores. The city council granted permission, but because the extension was likely to result in more traffic, they imposed a condition which said the Well Known Supermarket (I won't name them, but it rhymes with Mazda) had to pay £10,000 (I think) towards traffic improvements.
So the extension gets built, and this things ends up on the desk of the Chief Traffic Warden, who thinks WTF??? He rings up the supermarket, and the conversation goes like this:
Chief TW: It says here that I'm supposed to provide you with ten grand's worth of services, but all I can actually do is send round a traffic warden, and he won't be able to do anything. Why don’t we just forget about it?
Man from Mazda: Oh, we can't do that, because of the planning permission. Tell you what, why don't you invoice us for ten grand for doing nothing, and we'll pay it.
Chief TW: Are you sure?
Man from Mazda: Yeah, that's what we make in twenty minutes on a Sunday anyway. Don't worry about it.
So the Chief TW goes off to the Head of Finance at the police, and says "Is it okay if we send Mazda a bill for £10000 for doing fuck all?" and she says "No."
So then the Chief TW has to send a traffic warden up to Mazda until they've had ten grands' worth of his services at £25/hour + VAT. When the guy gets there, he can either wander round the car park, looking for out of date tax discs, or sit in Mazda's canteen, drinking tea.
(Fri 27th Jul 2007, 22:21, More)
» Teenage Crushes - Part Two
Sally Knyvette
Jenna off Blake's 7. I used to wank myself stupid over her.
Jane Jetson's well fit as well.
(Sat 7th Nov 2009, 8:07, More)
Sally Knyvette
Jenna off Blake's 7. I used to wank myself stupid over her.
Jane Jetson's well fit as well.
(Sat 7th Nov 2009, 8:07, More)
» Pathological Liars
Behind enemy lines "in Gulf 1"
I used to work with a guy who claimed to have been in the RAF. Which was believable.
But he told some story about being based in the British Embassy in Berlin, where he and some other military bods were responsible for tracking down internet paedophiles. Apparently, they had a licence from the German government which meant they were allowed to possess kiddie porn.
Another day, he started going on about being dropped behind enemy lines "in Gulf 1" to rescue a downed Tornado crew (or was it to destroy the aircraft? Can't remember) and he was going on and on. When he paused for breath, I said "I used to be in the Swiss Navy." He said "Any good?" to which I replied "It was all right."
(Sat 1st Dec 2007, 12:10, More)
Behind enemy lines "in Gulf 1"
I used to work with a guy who claimed to have been in the RAF. Which was believable.
But he told some story about being based in the British Embassy in Berlin, where he and some other military bods were responsible for tracking down internet paedophiles. Apparently, they had a licence from the German government which meant they were allowed to possess kiddie porn.
Another day, he started going on about being dropped behind enemy lines "in Gulf 1" to rescue a downed Tornado crew (or was it to destroy the aircraft? Can't remember) and he was going on and on. When he paused for breath, I said "I used to be in the Swiss Navy." He said "Any good?" to which I replied "It was all right."
(Sat 1st Dec 2007, 12:10, More)
» Crazy Relatives
My ex's mum
My ex's mum is a loony. I had being going out with Sarah for about two weeks, and her mum rang me up and started blathering on about something or other, after about five minutes I got the impression she was trying to tell me that Sarah's dad had died. He hadn't.
Another time she rang me up and went on and on about "the woman with the drums", which turned out to be Evelyn Glennie. Don't know why.
The one and only time I saw Sarah loose her temper was when her mum was standing there waffling on and on and cleaning a plastic carrier bag. Why would anyone clean a crappy Tesco bag that you get for free?
(Sun 8th Jul 2007, 22:20, More)
My ex's mum
My ex's mum is a loony. I had being going out with Sarah for about two weeks, and her mum rang me up and started blathering on about something or other, after about five minutes I got the impression she was trying to tell me that Sarah's dad had died. He hadn't.
Another time she rang me up and went on and on about "the woman with the drums", which turned out to be Evelyn Glennie. Don't know why.
The one and only time I saw Sarah loose her temper was when her mum was standing there waffling on and on and cleaning a plastic carrier bag. Why would anyone clean a crappy Tesco bag that you get for free?
(Sun 8th Jul 2007, 22:20, More)