» Putting the Fun in Funeral

The Fun drive-by… or A lesson in Microsoft English…
As my mum was giving me a lift down a quiet back road of Kidderminster, a cortege was just "loading up" outside a small semi-detached. The coffin was loaded but they didn't seem to have taken much care over flinging the flowers in.... for resting against the coffin, right next to the window, in one-foot high, red flowery letters, was a bouquet saying WOW

-Wouldn't have been funny if they had spelt mum properly!
(Mon 15th May 2006, 17:28, More)

» Running away

....School in winter...
I was in a fair bit of trouble at secondary school. When i was 14, out of complete boredom in a maths lesson (the subject i now teach...........!!!), i shoved some paper down the back of a really antique heater and started to watch it burn. The teacher smelt it and i was sent to the head (which not enough of happens these days! Heads are too friendly nowadays, they don't put the shit up you!)

Anyways, i was standing outside the Head's office bricking it for ages coz i knew i'd get into serious trouble so i decided to run home (about 8 miles). I set off out the main door and across the playing fields which were covered in snow. A thin cotton shirt and a nylon pullover where no defence whatsoever against the sheets of sleet which fell that afternoon. An hour later and about half way home, freezing cold (my hands were blue and my feet quite numb), my mum pulled up in her car.

The Headmaster had rung her and said I had runnawy from school so she came looking for me. I ended up being suspended for the rest of the week, which was fine because i was ill for the whole time being treated for hypothermia.
(Sun 13th Aug 2006, 20:39, More)