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my brother likes to go the extra mile when he offends americans...
...at hat parties. When he blows spliff smoke through the tube it comes out of the windows.

Clicky for biggy
(Tue 24th Jul 2007, 18:10, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Pathological Liars

Not a lie in the sense the question was asked, but definitely malicious.
Last summer I worked in Dallas. A girl there told me that American women believe anything we Tommys say as our accent makes us sound educated. Moo hoo ha ha ha!

So I told a ditzy-looking blonde that water in the UK was around 30% wetter that in the US. She seemed to get stuck in a loop in which she went: "really? How can that...? No. That's not... really? How can that...? No. That's not... really? How can that...? No. etc."

Poor lamb couldn't rationalise what I'd said at all, but had to beleive me because of my accent. I had to let her in on the joke before her head popped in an Austin Powers Femmebot style moment.
(Tue 4th Dec 2007, 16:44, More)

» * PFFT *

it was all over in moments
This happened to me last year in specsavers. I was chewing gum when I came to the desk and had a bit too much saliva sloshing around, so when I opened my mouth to talk to the fortysomething lady behind the counter I showered her with spit. After our brief silent, embarrassment paralysis I began my "oh my god I'm SO sorry..." when she laughed, so hard in fact that she farted LOUD, a fantastic honking one that sounded like James Blunt. I get my contacts by lensmail now.
(Sun 15th Jul 2007, 22:53, More)