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» When were you last really scared?

Chessington World of Adventures...
Sounded like a fun place to go during the summer of '05 with then girlfriend and her mates. NOT however, if like me, you've actually got a phobia of theme park rides. Wanting to face my fears and partake in the 'fun', I hid my initial concern so my g/f was none the wiser.
Paying at the front and walking hand in hand with her through the entrance to the park, I notice the 1st ride. I believe it's called the dragon's fury or something like that. Basically a rollercoaster that's a tea cup ride on steroids.

"Why has your hand gone all clammy?"
"Ummm.. dunno, do you want to go on that one?"
"Hell yeah!!"

And go on it we did. Four fucking times in a row. Once I even began the ride with my back to the initial climb. The fact I was screaming like a bitch was muffled by the other ladies equally screaming with gusto. After this I thought bring it on! Can't be anything worse than this. Went on a few more rides then we had some of the Colonel's secret blend of chicken herbs and spices.

Then someone suggested a ride which saw me launch a tirade of verbal abuse at anyone to stop the ride because quite frankly, a good time was not being had by I. The ride in question? Why, the bloody pirate ship!! Yes, the one that swings from left to right getting higher each time. Shocked looks from the group turned to full blown laughter. I felt somewhat vindicated that two of them felt sick after the ride was over.

My g/f christened me 'clam'.

The journey back home was in silence.
(Sun 25th Feb 2007, 3:03, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Dropping the kids off at the pool
When I used to live with my bro, we held a, "Be unkind to your arse" week.
This entailed eating as much spicy food as humanly possible.
*Chili Con carne so packed with fresh chili seeds we were crying whilst eating it.
*Drinking Nando's extra hot peri-peri sauce from the bottle.
*Spiking each others mundane meals such as meat casserole with habanero sauce.
There was no clear winner, except Andrex.
My bro announced that his arse had fallen out.
Quite impressively, he ignored a fart one morning and shit his pants.
Receiving the MMS message was a little disturbing to be fair.
My only saviour was baby wet wipes.
NEVER again. Oh...alright then.
(Tue 1st Apr 2008, 0:08, More)

» Top Tips

A complete numbnuts tailgating you in busy traffic?
Coax them into overtaking just before a speed camera! If done correctly the payoff is well worth it. Flash flash! Or as Basil Brush might say, boom boom! Yes.... I'll stick to my day job.
(Wed 7th Feb 2007, 0:18, More)

» Top Tips

Best Man At A Wedding?
Don't then, in a drunken state suggest in anyway shape or form that 9/11 was "funny and they deserved it" during your speech. My mate's still living that one down.
(Sat 3rd Feb 2007, 3:21, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Random Sleeping
On an escalator going upwards from the underground.. One second, everything was cool, had my shit together holding the rail. The next, I was clutching thin air falling backwards. Scared the shit out of me, probably the commuters behind me as well to be fair though.
(Thu 4th Jan 2007, 1:20, More)
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