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» Best Graffiti Ever
One more!
There was a WARNING sign somewhere, and someone had scrawled underneath it:
"listening to Muse will make you gay"
Chortle!
(Fri 4th May 2007, 11:09, More)
One more!
There was a WARNING sign somewhere, and someone had scrawled underneath it:
"listening to Muse will make you gay"
Chortle!
(Fri 4th May 2007, 11:09, More)
» The worst sex I ever had
Not that outrageous but...
made me question why I had entered into a consentual relationship with him.
Sex, to begin with, was a flop, both metaphorically and physically speaking. Then, when he started to maintain an erection, it wasn't much better. His sweat smelt a bit like marijuana (which sounds nicer than it really is, you wouldn't want to get high on his bodily fumes) and he sort of flapped about when he was on top. He hadn't quite figured out how to use his hips, so imagine a fish that's been cast ashore, trying to shuffle back to sea.
And the worst sex face ever! The first time with him, I stopped to yelp "OHMIGOD are you hurt?!" which was met with a look of puzzled annoyment.
What a shame - he had a massive wang :(
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 16:18, More)
Not that outrageous but...
made me question why I had entered into a consentual relationship with him.
Sex, to begin with, was a flop, both metaphorically and physically speaking. Then, when he started to maintain an erection, it wasn't much better. His sweat smelt a bit like marijuana (which sounds nicer than it really is, you wouldn't want to get high on his bodily fumes) and he sort of flapped about when he was on top. He hadn't quite figured out how to use his hips, so imagine a fish that's been cast ashore, trying to shuffle back to sea.
And the worst sex face ever! The first time with him, I stopped to yelp "OHMIGOD are you hurt?!" which was met with a look of puzzled annoyment.
What a shame - he had a massive wang :(
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 16:18, More)
» Personal Hygiene
Christophe..
...was my mum's friend's lodger some time ago, and although I never met him personally, I don't see this as a bad thing. Amongst the usual filthy behaviour (i.e. piles of rubbish left in his room, unchanged spunk encrusted sheets and so on) there were two things that really, ahem, stood out about this man.
Après wank, he used to collect his man juices in a tub by his bed. Now having read the rest of the thread, apperently this isn't as uncommon as I'd thought, but if someone can explain why they would want gone-off jizz by the side of their bed, let me know. Because it smells bad.
But his idea of intimate hygiene left a lot to be desired. If he was going out on the pull with the intent of schmoozing up a ladyfriend, he would freshen up his nether regions....
with Glade Touch'n'Fresh.
Air Freshener + sweaty cock and balls - showering = yuk. Like when someone tries to cover up BO with Lynx, but with a flowery smell. Apparently he wasn't very pleasant to sit next to...
Length? Irrelevent. No woman ever wanted to find out...
(Tue 27th Mar 2007, 12:58, More)
Christophe..
...was my mum's friend's lodger some time ago, and although I never met him personally, I don't see this as a bad thing. Amongst the usual filthy behaviour (i.e. piles of rubbish left in his room, unchanged spunk encrusted sheets and so on) there were two things that really, ahem, stood out about this man.
Après wank, he used to collect his man juices in a tub by his bed. Now having read the rest of the thread, apperently this isn't as uncommon as I'd thought, but if someone can explain why they would want gone-off jizz by the side of their bed, let me know. Because it smells bad.
But his idea of intimate hygiene left a lot to be desired. If he was going out on the pull with the intent of schmoozing up a ladyfriend, he would freshen up his nether regions....
with Glade Touch'n'Fresh.
Air Freshener + sweaty cock and balls - showering = yuk. Like when someone tries to cover up BO with Lynx, but with a flowery smell. Apparently he wasn't very pleasant to sit next to...
Length? Irrelevent. No woman ever wanted to find out...
(Tue 27th Mar 2007, 12:58, More)
» The worst sex I ever had
An epiphany
My first time with my current bf, it was all going swimmingly with me on top until he suddenly went limp inside me. Oh noes, I think, I am a crap lay. So I try not to act disappointed and clamber off, still kissing, trying to be romantic. Then I get up and walk to the bathroom when I feel something trickling down my thigh.
It worries me that my initial thought was *not* the obvious, but eventually the penny drops and I give my bf a confused look and asked if he had come, and then when he said he had, I looked at him, smiled and said "oh thank god, I thought I was just incontinent!"
We're still together, a year and a half on. He sees my special qualities.
(Tue 19th Jun 2007, 14:36, More)
An epiphany
My first time with my current bf, it was all going swimmingly with me on top until he suddenly went limp inside me. Oh noes, I think, I am a crap lay. So I try not to act disappointed and clamber off, still kissing, trying to be romantic. Then I get up and walk to the bathroom when I feel something trickling down my thigh.
It worries me that my initial thought was *not* the obvious, but eventually the penny drops and I give my bf a confused look and asked if he had come, and then when he said he had, I looked at him, smiled and said "oh thank god, I thought I was just incontinent!"
We're still together, a year and a half on. He sees my special qualities.
(Tue 19th Jun 2007, 14:36, More)
» Well, that taught 'em
Runs in the family
Yes, revenge is hereditary in my household.
About a month ago I was consoling my little brother on being dumped by the village bike. He then confides in me that when we were little he had nits and I didn't, so he picked one of the little mites off the nit comb (urrrgh)and put in in my hair.
My dad bought my mom a new car (ooo very swishy) as a suprise. She was so overcome with emotion that the felt this would be the right time to confess that she poisoned our front lawn. They had had a falling out over whether or not the front garden should be paved over (mum for tarmac, dad for grass) and as she conceded she said she would never do the gardening again. So as my dad lovingly watered and seeded his lawn, my mum went out the following day with weed killer and dumped it all over the place. This went on for about 5 years. He could never work out why the lawn wouldnt grow. Guilt? Naaaah, she was just worried one of the neighbours would see.
I made my brother eat dirt when we were little "because that's what they mean when they sing 'Another One Bites The Dust' on Gladiators.
Oh, and a girl I've grown up with (has turned out to be the biggest cow face ever) I made her wipe my bottom once having done a number two when we were young. That's not quite revenge, it happened before she messed me about. Or maybe she was retalliating to this, I don't know. Possibly.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 13:52, More)
Runs in the family
Yes, revenge is hereditary in my household.
About a month ago I was consoling my little brother on being dumped by the village bike. He then confides in me that when we were little he had nits and I didn't, so he picked one of the little mites off the nit comb (urrrgh)and put in in my hair.
My dad bought my mom a new car (ooo very swishy) as a suprise. She was so overcome with emotion that the felt this would be the right time to confess that she poisoned our front lawn. They had had a falling out over whether or not the front garden should be paved over (mum for tarmac, dad for grass) and as she conceded she said she would never do the gardening again. So as my dad lovingly watered and seeded his lawn, my mum went out the following day with weed killer and dumped it all over the place. This went on for about 5 years. He could never work out why the lawn wouldnt grow. Guilt? Naaaah, she was just worried one of the neighbours would see.
I made my brother eat dirt when we were little "because that's what they mean when they sing 'Another One Bites The Dust' on Gladiators.
Oh, and a girl I've grown up with (has turned out to be the biggest cow face ever) I made her wipe my bottom once having done a number two when we were young. That's not quite revenge, it happened before she messed me about. Or maybe she was retalliating to this, I don't know. Possibly.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 13:52, More)