» Filth!

In the last student house we lived in
the landlord had gone for the "classy wood floor look" by simply removing the carpet.

One of the boards in the living room wasn;t screwed to the joists, so cleaning up became as simple as lifting the board and sweeping/ scraping all the cans, bottles, food wrappers and fag butts into the cavity underneath.

Once a month we'd get a long stick and shove all the shite slighty further back to make a bit of space.

Day before we left we sprayed some glade down there and screwed the board down.

For this Mr Hops, I apologise.
(Fri 3rd Feb 2012, 16:42, More)

» Famous people I hate

Apologies if bindun....
Buts lets take a moment to think about Piers Morgan.

I suppose as a counterweight to all thats beautiful and wonderful in the universe, there must be a monumental fuckchops of a leaky old cunt somewhere, and I would like to suggest that Piers Morgan is exactly that.

Point 1: Lets not beat about the bush, the man looks like a chubby rapist.

Point 2: His rise to fame must be based on the flimsiest of principles, in effect, he got fired from editing the mirror, then popped up again a few years later, drunk on the smell of his own farts, as apparently twice as famous as jesus. utter, utter cunt.

Point 3: He freely chose to write for the mail. Bad enough in itself, but then he chose to fill his column with gallons of effulent about various slebs coming to him for advice, or signatures. colossal, heaving, winnet-bedragged anus.

Point 4: just look at his fat fucking face. He made a big deal about Clarkson smacking him in the mouth, I'm surprised he's not fielding a dozen face-shattering haymakers a day, just for having that face.

Up next, Liz Jones, the insufferable cow-bag.
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 22:20, More)

» Shops and Supermarkets

Mentioned it before...
But the defining moment of my short but varied career at the now defunct Somerfeild, was walking into the warehouse to see the produce manager and his assistant slowly working through an entire box of clementines, popping each one into their mouths before letting them fall back into the box.
(Sun 13th May 2012, 21:23, More)

» Ouch!

Last Week...
and for most of the preceding week, I had the most unfathomable pain in the lower-left side of my jaw. After 7 days of trying like hell to ignore the increasingly obvious swelling, and rinsing regularly with salt water, I woke last wednesday to see that the swelling was now clearly visible through the skin of the cheek.

On opening my mouth I saw that in addtion to the generalised swelling, there was now a distinct and seperate lump, on the gum between two teeth, about the size of a marble. Not good.

Knowing that going into work looking like John Merrick's ugly brother was a passport to a day of ridicule, I decided to take matters into my own hands, locating a sewing needle, and girding my loins, I drove the needle down into the morass, and encountering little resistance, pushed on. Not too bad.

Now, with the offending protrusion holed, to apply pressure to get the gunk out.... I gave it a good hard prod, and promptly screamed the house down, this was obviously a dentists job.

Fast forward 2 hours and I'm in the dentists chair, while he explains to me that as a life long nail-biter, a piece of nail has become wedged in between two teeth, right down in the gum where no amount of brushing was going to remove it, and said nail had, in time, opened a hole in the gum, from whence the mother of all infections had taken root.

"no worries, we'll soon sort that" he says, as he and the dental nurse are donning aprons and full face visors, "qucik jab to numb the pain and we'll get going".
25 minutes of pulling, scraping, cutting, suction and grisly, rippy noises later, and I'm sitting up, while lovely Mr Dentist is proffering a heap of diseased, recently removed tissue under my nose, "look, I had to remove ALL that" gum to get it out".

Still, NHS, so it only cost £16.50. Can't argue with that.
(Sat 31st Jul 2010, 11:31, More)

» Iffy crushes


Dr Alice Roberts. Throw that North Face fleece on the ground and let's do this thing.
(Thu 6th Oct 2011, 21:06, More)