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» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Dodgy bar.
Ever worked in a dodgy bar? I have, and it's wonderful. This place had no dirty trade secrets to speak of, it was just one big dirt. Not unhygienic, the pipes were probably the cleanest in Britain so me and my manager/mate could get free pints twice or thrice a week and write it off as wastage.

No, it was more the sort of place where you would find the occasional abandoned weapon down the side of the sofa, where opening hours did't apply because nobody would be caught dead in there during the day. We used to open after the clubs had closed, that was the only time anybody had any interest in the place. We would invite the dj or whoever back after the set, and get him to announce to the club we were having a lock in. How we got away with it is a mystery to me.

One of the few times we actually had legitimate customers wine was requested, so I was sent to the local offy to get the cheapest plonk I could find. Decanted into a superior bottle, the poor sap was none the wiser.

The bar owner also used to smoke crack in the back, but thats another story.
(Sat 29th Sep 2007, 12:26, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Garlic never goes off.
Yes, thats what the grocery manager of a famous walmart supermarket that shall remain nameless told me when he found a whole crate that was out by a month in the warehouse.

It was muggins here that had to empty the dried out husks of garlic into containers to be presented to the general public as loose 'fresh' goods. I feel so dirty.
(Sat 29th Sep 2007, 12:10, More)