» Guilty Secrets

As a vile 12 year old
Having become increasingly randy with the rigours of puberty and discovering that the intertubes contained lots of porn I found myself looking at my Auntie's black ladbrador dog and considering wether or not I could get it to deepthroat my cock.

Unfortunately it would only shallow throat.

Never been gladder to get something off my chest. But I won't lie, it was the bollocks!
(Sat 1st Sep 2007, 3:22, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Playing at Zoo's
As a child we had a washbasket of a checkered pattern and a very stripy cat.

Needless to say I would spent hours catching the cat under this basket, then gazing at it.

To all intents and purposes I was at the zoo.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 1:35, More)

» Advice from Old People

Advice loop
My old grandad once said to me, "Never trust a man...."

I sat there for quite some time whilst he sat there mouth agape. I waited with bated breath to see what this universal policy on trust would be before he asked me to fetch him a Jammie Dodger.

It was then I remembered that my grandad suffered from full blown dementia and was, by this point, quite insane.
(Sun 22nd Jun 2008, 2:18, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

Party tricks to undermime society
As a young lad fresh from popping his social politics cherry, I decided I had to desperately find some way to prove to the people I worked with I was politically infused. Instead all I did was buy Che Guavara T-shirts.

However in doing this I began to listen to Rage Against the Machine and heres were the real part of the story comes into play.
You see for on the front cover of the original Rage Against the Machine album cover is a Monk immolating himself in protest to the Vietnam War. I thought "How I could replicate this, without totally messing ones self up."

Hence the reason to this day my party trick involves inserting a match into my urethra and lighting it, grasping only my penis.
Also, there goes my B3ta Virginity. For too long have I lurked!
(Thu 19th Jul 2007, 14:22, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

If Political Correctness has truly lost the chuck
Then surely every image I see of Jesus Christ should be an image of a dark skinned, happy smiling Arab? Guy was born in fuck knows when in the middle East and I'm meant to believe that him, his parents, the three wise men and all and mother pissing sundry were white!? Give it a rest!

Also on a sidenote, if Jesus has come back then he's probably in some mental institution.

"I'm Jesus I tell you!"
"Sure in you go Mr Cavalier"

Just a thought.
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 6:36, More)