» Cringe!

Another one!
In quick succession, one which must be told, pretty safely since nobody I know will read this.
Just today I partially shat myself on the bus. I'm currently working in retail and was riding with my co-worker on the bus after work to our respective destinations when poor flu having me is motivated to cough ferociously. The extreme motion of my diaphragm and whatever other muscles are involved in coughing also seem to have forced out a small though worrisome mass of poo into my boxers. Sadly, I being sick; have no sense of smell, I did not notice any offensive odours but they must have been present since they certainly were once I got home and into the shower. What a day...
(Sun 30th Nov 2008, 4:24, More)

» Cringe!

Public Wanking
For those unfamiliar with Vancouver BC, Bentall place is a shopping mall under a large office tower development in the downtown area. The lady I love and I had just finished a day of window shopping with a nice coffee when I had the urge to visit the bathroom of said mall. I entered the can and proceeded to a urinal one space to the left of the nearest occupied one, as one does, when I noticed the gentle back and forth motion of my neighbour's left arm in the corner of my eye. He kept up the tempo for the whole length of time I was in the room, the pissing as well as the minute I took to thoroughly wash my hands, his breathing getting noticeably heavier. I left before he hit the inevitable finishing move, fortunately, but I was shaken nonetheless since the whole time I stood at my insufficiently private urinal he was staring at me; that steady back and forth back and forth in his crotchal zone. *cringe*
(Sun 30th Nov 2008, 3:27, More)

» Dumb things you've done

New apartment, great first impression (another booze related story...)
juliajuliajulia's story reminded me of the first apartment some friends and I occupied after I moved out of my dad's house. First year of uni and enjoying my near limitless freedom to drink, etc.

The night began with a small group of friends in our new barely furnished place; much alcohol was purchased and much was consumed. We were getting roudy and my Doors records were now blaring loudly throughout the building when our downstairs neighbours decided to introduce themselves and invite us down to carry on the revelry. We'd all just entered their nicely furnished place when my memory gets a little patchy and only the most dramatic moments remain in my mind.

In sequence:

We sit on their couch...

My friend Ian is hitting on the hottest of our new acquaintances...

*BLEEEEYEECH* (The sound of me projectile vomiting across their living room creating a brownish streak along the carpet and about a metre up the opposite wall)...

*WHAM SMASH CLUNK* (Me again, collapsing on their glass coffee table, the table top survived, the half dozen glass bottles on it were not so lucky)...

I woke up the next morning dimly aware of having done something dramatically stupid but not what. The memories came back over the following few hours. I'd destroyed the mood totally and Ian never did bed our hot neighbour, oddly they never invited us back...

So I'd ruined our collective first impression, pissed off everyone, and indirectly cockblocked a friend of mine all because Tequila is not my friend and I was too stupid to leave it alone.

In the end it became a funny memory and my infamy was short lived as another friend about a month later puked over our balcony and directly onto theirs. Those poor people...

Insert regulation size, grade 3F Length Joke (Mk4) here.
(Fri 4th Jan 2008, 6:43, More)