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Camp David


i met him on a monday, went for a drink on tuesday, we were making up by wednesday.....
(Fri 22nd Nov 2002, 14:44, More)

The Battle of the Boing : The turning point in Irish history

(Fri 4th Oct 2002, 12:00, More)

Best answers to questions:

» "Needless to say, I had the last laugh"

i used to work late
nights at a call in the city centre of manchester. because of where i lived, if it was a friday night, i'd get a taxi back home, instead instead of the danger-bus.

On a cold miserable, winters friday night at about 11ish, i was knackered and in foul form but I was the only person waiting at the taxi rank so i cheered myself with thought of being home soon

I had been waiting about 10 minutes when the taxi pulled up.
At exactly the same moment a drunken girly "woo taxi" from the other side of the street. she pulled her harassed boyfriend, dashed across the road and jumped in.

I unpolitely suggested they get out of my taxi but the boyfriend gave me a sheepish grin and said "girls, tsk"
My years of education bubbled forth "go fuck yourself" i spat

so I had resigned myself to a cold wait, when from stage left entered
the hardest looking man i have ever seen. Not big and burly, but short, wirey, scarred and mean, but looking very smart in his luminous green Taxi Marshall coat.

"was that your taxi, Sir" he asked
"yes, it was" i said, sounding like someone being rescued from a mugging by superman.
"taxi driver. Don't pull out" he commanded and the taxi didnt move
"you two out now" he said to the passengers. it had that calm tone that suggested if they didnt there'd be years of orthodontic bills to be paid.

the girl protested loudly but her boyfriend valued his teeth and dragged her out.


I felt like Royalty getting in that taxi. I thanked the Taxi Marshall profusely and went home in a warm glow. laughing last.
(Fri 4th Feb 2011, 12:47, More)

» Breakin' The Law

forgot this
one night during a voluntary 6 week tee-total period. I was trying to aleviate boredom by playing delta force at about 2am one saturday morning. I just in my in my boxers & tee-shirtplaying merrily when a fucking plod just strode into my bedroom. talk about shocked. I stood up & look for all the world like a filty late night internet self abuser in my dark room infront of my computer in my boxers. I stood & said "Can i help you" in my best, i'm not a porno junkie & am actually quite reasonable voice & he just said "do you think you could put some trousers on, sir".

I lived in a shared house & one of the girls had come home and found the front door open a bit & thought we must have been burgled. So she phones the dibble & asks them to check out the house in case they are still in there. silly chicken.
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 12:58, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

i ignored
noel gallagher once.
(Fri 30th Jun 2006, 15:44, More)

» Breakin' The Law

My tuppence
There've been a few incidents, most not really noteworthy, but these two are good examples.

1. I once drove through an army check point in Belfast in the middle of the night as I was so stoned I confused the red torch light they use to get you to stop with brake lights on a car further down the road. Given the army's notorious itchy fingers at checkpoints I think I was quite lucky there.

2. I went to the university of salford where I met a few cool people. One of them we thought was well balanced but it turned out he'd been sleeping with a replica gun under his pillow for a few months. It transpired he was just going to use it to scare the shit out of his sisters husband who had taken to being a bit heavy handed with her. Cool we thought, replica gun!
Castle Irwell is the salford uni student village & out the back of that is the irwell valley, a lovely green bit of grass & trees full of muggers, murderers, rapists & scallies. Behind that used to be the halls of residence. We decided to take the gun up there & have a go at firing it in one of the fields. Which we did & had a great old time. Finally the gun jammed & we decided to head home. One of the lads there took the gun & headed up to girlfriends in the halls of residence. When he got to hers she said something like "Jesus, you've not been out there have you! The police have just been round to tell us to stay in as some nutter is shooting a gun down in the fields". "Oh" he says, and then with a smile opens his coat & pulls out the pistol, "you mean this gun here?"

oh and once i got stopped for a faulty headlight & the cop noticed my tax disc was out by a week. so he comes up to me and says "Right sunshine, seems your tax disc is up too"
"Shite" say I "Genuinely didn't know that" to which he replies without any hint of irony "Well, I'm like Don Corleone, I'm a reasonable man. You have a week to get that seen to" - what a complete twat. I could see his partner hanging his head in shame when he said.
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 11:44, More)