» Devastating Put-Downs

The coffee morning manatee
There's a lovely little coffee shop nearby my home. The ritual: wake up, grab a coffee and go off to work has been practiced by myself a good few years.

As I sit sipping back the dregs before heading off; the door violently swings open. In gravitates this mountain of a woman....Instead of muffin top, she had this... Wedding cake tiered effect going on. So like many weight conscious people do, she hid her fat behind what I can only describe as a ribbon. You know the type... All fake tan, fake nails and crimson lipstick, obviously a straggler from the previous nights clubbing run.

Reeking of smoke and vomit she rummages around her Gucci bag.

Siding up to an elderly gentleman, she eloquently asks him

"Aive Gat Naw Maney, Can yoo buy as a drink?"

This wizend old chap turned on his stool, looked the girl up and down before replying:

"Sorry love they don't serve Slim Fast here."
(Sun 27th Nov 2011, 17:33, More)