» The Boss

he's a patronising
TWAT, and he's a cunt and all.
Looks like Where's Wally in a suit, talks shit, patronises us all and does a terrible line in regional accent impersonations. He never tries to do mine tho' - he knows I think he's a twat.His trademark saying?
WESTSIDE!
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 22:20, More)

» Stupid Dares

wasabi
I dared my colleague at work to snort the wasabi out of my lunchtime pack of sushi, for the contents of our staff swear box. After a bit of hesitation and deliberation, the bald headed idiot then decided that it was a good idea and promptly squeezed the wasabi paste (paste, mind!) onto his desk, and took out a fiver for the 'straw'... after the mega countdown 5,4,3,2,1! ...he snorted said paste right up his nostril - and screamed his head off!! Baldy went redder than usual and did a delightful little dance round his desk! When his eyes had stopped watering enough to count the contents of the swear box, he discovered £2.75p and a wedge of I.O.U's...hehehe
(Sun 4th Nov 2007, 20:10, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

what a right tit
Not too much nudity, but deffo unexpected! When I was 18, I was teaching my younger brother to dive in our local swimming baths. I would dive in, then get out and show him how to stand, etc, then watch while he did it. After diving this one time, I got out of the pool and walked around to where my brother was sitting on the side, but noticed some of the lads were giggling and looking away when I passed. "Stupid b*****ds", I said to myself, then my brother jumped in the water as I approached him, pissing himself laughing. Just then the attendant came up to me and said 'ere what are you trying to do? cheer us all up?' - he pointed to my chest, and I nearly died with embarassment! My bikini top was around my neck and my young pert boobies were staring at everyone! I jumped in the water myself, and hit my brother for not telling me!
(Sun 31st May 2009, 12:42, More)

» Unemployed

new deal-it aint too bad
I work for a company that 'offers' training and education to people who have been unemployed for over 6 and 12 months and are sent to us by the JCP (New Deal). the good bit is that we all genuinely want to help people find work, gain new skills, use old skills etc etc. We will do all that we can to help people find work. The many many downsides to this are- the frikkin jobcentre never tell their customers why they are being sent to us so they all arrive with attitudes and huge chips on shoulders. By the time people get to realise how we can help them, its time for them to leave. The ones whho actually dont want to work are either so open about it its unreal, ('why should I work? My dad never..") or spend so much time and effort shirking that they may as well just sit and learn something. And last but not least, nearly everyone who comes to us has a better mobile, better car, has HD Flat Screen TV with full on Sky inc sports packages -
WTF! I work my ass off and Im still skint!

But there is a lot of job satisfaction,when someone finds a decent job and smiles from ear to ear. If you ever find yourself on one of these new deal things, please remember we are here to help and we are NOT the jobcentre!
(Fri 3rd Apr 2009, 22:09, More)

» Top Tips

Parsimony
if you're dead skint and your mates come round for tea, make your spag bol go further by addign a crushed weetabix to it. This will make it go further as well as adding much needed fibre to your diet! Similiarly, add instant potato to curries or soups for a brill texture and a wholesome homecooked sort of thing going on. On another note, keeping your bread in a bucket of water will ensure it satys soft for ages.
Cant afford contact lenses? Make your own from cling film - just cut two small circles out and insert them as you would normal contacts.
On a water meter? shower with a friend, especially if they are rather attractive!
(Sat 14th Feb 2009, 18:16, More)