Profile for admiral crunch:
Male, beige, late twenties. Prone to rants.
Usually found screaming into my computer screen, the results of which are published at That's Fucking Stupid.
When the mood takes me, I sometimes upload a LOLCRT. It's like a LOLCAT but it's not.
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Best answers to questions:
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- a member for 2 years, 0 months and 16 days
- has posted 43 messages on the main board
- has posted 49 messages on the talk board
- has posted 472 messages on the links board
- (including 39 links)
- has posted 5 stories and 52 replies on question of the week
- They liked 506 pictures, 255 links, 67 talk posts, and 165 qotw answers. [RSS feed]
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Male, beige, late twenties. Prone to rants.
Usually found screaming into my computer screen, the results of which are published at That's Fucking Stupid.
When the mood takes me, I sometimes upload a LOLCRT. It's like a LOLCAT but it's not.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Sexual fetishes
Rubbery to meet you
"Could I ask you for a favour?", asks the unassuming stranger to my good lady friend, whom we shall call R. The two of us are attending an alternative-lifestyle market in order to point and laugh at the double-ended rubber dongs, nipple clamps, and electric shock devices with attachments for various intimate regions.
I must at this point note that aforementioned R has seen, heard of, and in some cases even tried, pretty much every fetish going. She's rather proud that no matter what it is you're into, she's probably done something filthier.
"I don't know, what is it you need?" enquireth she, half expecting some unwanted advances on her person.
"Could you blow a balloon up, as much as you possibly can, while I watch and wank?"
R stares.
"And if you can make it burst, that'd be even better".
R blinks.
"erm..... er..... er.... excuse me... I...", she mutters and walks off, speechless, crashing into a rack of riding crops, scattering them across the floor.
Balloon guy, if you're out there, you are a legend.
(Tue 27th Oct 2009, 14:04, More)
Rubbery to meet you
"Could I ask you for a favour?", asks the unassuming stranger to my good lady friend, whom we shall call R. The two of us are attending an alternative-lifestyle market in order to point and laugh at the double-ended rubber dongs, nipple clamps, and electric shock devices with attachments for various intimate regions.
I must at this point note that aforementioned R has seen, heard of, and in some cases even tried, pretty much every fetish going. She's rather proud that no matter what it is you're into, she's probably done something filthier.
"I don't know, what is it you need?" enquireth she, half expecting some unwanted advances on her person.
"Could you blow a balloon up, as much as you possibly can, while I watch and wank?"
R stares.
"And if you can make it burst, that'd be even better".
R blinks.
"erm..... er..... er.... excuse me... I...", she mutters and walks off, speechless, crashing into a rack of riding crops, scattering them across the floor.
Balloon guy, if you're out there, you are a legend.
(Tue 27th Oct 2009, 14:04, More)
» My Biggest Disappointment
I just bought a "turkey salad" for 2 quid 50
It contained 4 (four) minute cuboid strips of turkey.
Four.
Edit: that taste shite.
(Tue 1st Jul 2008, 12:05, More)
I just bought a "turkey salad" for 2 quid 50
It contained 4 (four) minute cuboid strips of turkey.
Four.
Edit: that taste shite.
(Tue 1st Jul 2008, 12:05, More)
» How nerdy are you?
I've just this second received an email
called "Metadata Monthly"
Your honour, I rest my case.
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 15:25, More)
I've just this second received an email
called "Metadata Monthly"
Your honour, I rest my case.
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 15:25, More)
» Accidental animal cruelty
Evidence
ooh ooh ooh! me me me!
(long time reader, first qotw post)
Constable Crunch (my uncle) is a policeman on a small Mediterranean island.
This is a particularly laid-back island, where laws are pretty much considered as 'guidelines', and as long as you don't do anything bad to anyone else, then everyone's happy.
Just last week, aforementioned uncle was out doing the rounds in hunting season and discovered a hunter who'd been shooting bunnies outside of the boundaries of the hunting zone. Deciding that the paperwork wouldn't be too much of a bother (as he was having a slow day anyway), he brings in hunter, plus gun and recently-shot rabbit to the police station.
Grandmother's house is on the way to the police station, so in order to avoid the car getting smelly and bloody from various entrails and what-have-you, he deposits the leporid carcass on the back steps of grandma's house to dispose of later.
Having dealt with all the paperwork and handed the gun in as evidence, the desk Sergeant inquires as to the whereabouts of said bunny, as it would be required for evidence.
"Fair enough," thinks Uncle, and plods off to grandma's house to find an empty space where our four-legged friend had lain.
"Dinner's ready!" comes the call from the kitchen. Uncle walks in to find a fresh rabbit stew bubbling happily on the stove. Oops.
* Epilogue *
So, he did the honourable thing and asked his brothers if any of them had shot a rabbit that day, as he might possibly require it for, er, official business. Luckily, the evidence was replicated nicely and the perpetrator was slapped with a fine and let go.
The rabbit stew was lovely, apparently.
Penis joke.
*Edit:
Tenuous link to topic: so I guess the accidental stewing of a rabbit led to the demise of another one. ish.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 13:45, More)
Evidence
ooh ooh ooh! me me me!
(long time reader, first qotw post)
Constable Crunch (my uncle) is a policeman on a small Mediterranean island.
This is a particularly laid-back island, where laws are pretty much considered as 'guidelines', and as long as you don't do anything bad to anyone else, then everyone's happy.
Just last week, aforementioned uncle was out doing the rounds in hunting season and discovered a hunter who'd been shooting bunnies outside of the boundaries of the hunting zone. Deciding that the paperwork wouldn't be too much of a bother (as he was having a slow day anyway), he brings in hunter, plus gun and recently-shot rabbit to the police station.
Grandmother's house is on the way to the police station, so in order to avoid the car getting smelly and bloody from various entrails and what-have-you, he deposits the leporid carcass on the back steps of grandma's house to dispose of later.
Having dealt with all the paperwork and handed the gun in as evidence, the desk Sergeant inquires as to the whereabouts of said bunny, as it would be required for evidence.
"Fair enough," thinks Uncle, and plods off to grandma's house to find an empty space where our four-legged friend had lain.
"Dinner's ready!" comes the call from the kitchen. Uncle walks in to find a fresh rabbit stew bubbling happily on the stove. Oops.
* Epilogue *
So, he did the honourable thing and asked his brothers if any of them had shot a rabbit that day, as he might possibly require it for, er, official business. Luckily, the evidence was replicated nicely and the perpetrator was slapped with a fine and let go.
The rabbit stew was lovely, apparently.
Penis joke.
*Edit:
Tenuous link to topic: so I guess the accidental stewing of a rabbit led to the demise of another one. ish.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 13:45, More)