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This is me looking like an 'art-deco installation on jim morrison' bell-end.

Deranged (as in Harold-Pinter-good-morning-my-bloody-arse deranged).
Cynical to the point of punching children for being so goddamn enthusiastic.
Baby-faced,but don't let that fool you.I have the eyes of a child and the mouth of a one-eyed carpenter.
Has a BSc Hons in winding fuckwits up to the point of insanity.
I just sneezed.
Smokes.
I like B3ta,but i do not like people who call me a n00b.They have not seen my epically cool html skills that i obviously stole from someone else's profile.
Seeks rich widow for murder and inheritance.
No fat chicks.

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Striding through the tarmac, carrying a meaty axe, cometh Fuckpig! And he gives a low roar:

"I'm seriously going to fuck you so forcibly, you will polymorph into a purple worm!"

Find out!
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created by beatings : powered by monkeys



I am nerdier than 99% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to take the Nerd Test, get geeky images and jokes, and write on the nerd forum!


Recent front page messages:


none

Best answers to questions:

» Stuff I've found

you've all been talking about brilliant finds
you may like to know that i'm the one responsible for the most recent ones.
I should have mentioned myself in the QOTW about eccentrics.but I got publicity-shy.

In the last two years i've been going around on public transport (planes,trains and automobiles),mainly because i like public transport,and also to fulfill my joyous mission around the world.

I buy cubic zirconia and fool's gold on ebay and then scatter them to the winds in the hope that they will briefly illuminate people's minds.

I have a large collection of rare and unusual coins,which i leave on train seats,on public paths and between the pages of newspapers on buses.

i leave antiques and oddities in boxes by the side of the road,in forests and in alleys.

i buy comic books and leave it in trees,on the ground or behind park benches...

i leave watches and single cars from my matchbox collection on beaches,and i take ammonite fossils i find locally and stash them away in odd places only a child or teen would look

you see,when i was young and bright,i was disappointed by the lack of treasure in the world,and i resolved to do something about it.
My habit might be vaguely expensive,but it gives me a warm,fuzzy feeling.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 22:57, More)

» Bullies

i once knew a kid
who was regarded by the whole school as slow.Time and again he'd be surrounded by a group of jeering morons who'd upbraid him in harsh terms for being a 'retard' or somesuch.
Their favourite game was to offer him a fifty-pence piece and a pound coin.They knew he'd always take the fifty pence because it was bigger.It was their favourite trick and they'd do it time and again to jeering laughter.
Once after many months of this I stopped him.
'Don't you realise that they're making fun of you with the whole fifty pence/pound thing,mate?They're doing it for kicks and laughing at you!I'm sure you know that a pound is worth more!'
'Yes,' he said,looking up at me shyly.'But if I took the pound they'd stop doing it.' and walked off shaking his head like I was an idiot which,in all fairness,I guess I was.
(Fri 15th May 2009, 13:51, More)

» Nativity Plays

Weird ideas
'While I was on the bog the other day,' writes 'mudskipper', 'it occured to me that when you take the word ‘weapons’, and spell it phonetically, ‘weppins’, it looks like a name you’d give to a pet rabbit.

What really, really, REALLY weird thoughts have you had?'


Comment space reserved for an alternative QOTW should you want it.
(Sat 28th Mar 2009, 2:06, More)

» Impulse buys

oh balls
i bought a thousand pounds worth of laptop that is now used exclusively for reading the B3ta QOTW and looking at porn.
(Thu 21st May 2009, 12:36, More)

» God

tip for christians!
listen carefully!
imagine you're in a relationship.your partner loves you unconditionally,and says so every day.(s)he's loving,and caring,and gives you advice,gives you plenty of what you want,promises to protect you and keep you safe no matter what.however,(s)he's quite strict regarding an old set of rules.if you break even one of them,only once,you will be chained up in the basement and forced to undergo the most excruciating torture for the rest of your life.
there's a word for people like that : psychopaths.
this is what i explain to people when they try to convert me.
fuck your god.
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 16:44, More)
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