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Profile for Wong Fei-Hung:
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Wong Fei-Hung is 158 years old this year. He is grumpy and chances are you wouldn't like him much. His Last.FM page is here and the inevitable flickr.com page is here.

Some mediocre photos and stuff here and a now scarily-popular selection of scans of old recipe booklets here.

Recent front page messages:

Pearost
from the early hours


(Sun 24th Jul 2005, 14:05, More)

Mini-competition
Spotted someone reading one of those Harry Potter books with 'grown up' covers on the tube and found myself thinking - what if they did kiddies' editions of grown-up books?


(Fri 8th Nov 2002, 19:28, More)

Best answers to questions:

» School Trips

Leningrad
School trip to Leningrad in March 1985, back when it was still proper scary Russia. We'd all stocked up on thick sweaters and enormous coats, only for an incredible heatwave to hit the country - we checked the international weather in a paper in Heathrow and discovered that it was six or seven degrees hotter in Moscow than in London.

So we're in Leningrad and it's not exactly sweltering, but it's not cold. And 'cos of the heat, the ice further up the Neva has started to thaw, so there are chunks of ice the size of busses floating down the river, and inevitably a lot of them end up sitting against the riverbank, temptingly well within jumping range.

One of the third formers decided that it would be both funny and good to jump onto one of these mini-icebergs. Turns out it wasn't. The force of his landing dislodged it from the bank and sent him drifting off towards Finland. Only some remarkable quick thinking and some truly incredible leaping (onto the ice floe) and throwing (the terrified teenager) by one of the teachers saved the holiday.
(Thu 7th Dec 2006, 11:50, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Oh and
My parents live in a fairly posh bit of Belfast. A few years ago, the neighbours sold up, their house was demolished and a small close of six or seven Barrett-style homes went up.

Now, there had previously been sharp words between my dad and one of the new neighbours who had taken to cutting back other people's trees & shrubs if he reckoned they encroached on "his" land (i.e. anywhere at all within the close, which does not in any way belong to him). So my old man explained a few concepts to him, such as trespass, criminal damage, theft, going equipped, various conspiracy offences etc and no more was heard...

That is, until my dad got someone in to cut the lawn a couple of weeks ago. He parked his van on the corner of the road into the close next door, and this bloke came piling out of his house to remonstrate. There was much waving of arms and shouting the odds, until the offended party came out with: "Do you know who you are dealing with here? Do you know who I am? I AM EAMONN HOLMES' BROTHER!!!" Followed by the all-too-rare sight of the gardener actually rolling on the floor laughing his arse off.
(Thu 25th Aug 2005, 21:04, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Back
in the early 80s I was standing around near Queen's University in Belfast waiting for my cousin to finish for the day so we could go for a swift one in the pub around the corner. As I'm waiting, a huge stretch limo pulls up and out gets Sir Richard Attenborough, who is speaking in the university that evening. He marches straight up to me with his hand outstretched, gives me a warm and vigorous handshake, hugs me, announces "absolutely marvellous to see you again, old man" and bustles off inside.
(Fri 1st Jun 2007, 16:15, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Back
in the middle ages of MacOS (about System 7.5) there was a wee application that lived in the Apple menu called "Shut Down". As the name suggests, it shut down your computer, no questions asked, goodnight Saigon.

First company I worked for full time had a particular member of staff who used to regularly rub me up the wrong way. So one afternoon I nipped in over the office network and copied the "Shut Down" app from her Apple Menu folder into her Startup Items folder. Everything was fine for the rest of the day, but when she came in and switched on her computer the next morning, it ran through the whole startup procedure... then immediately shut down again. And again. And again. And again.

She repeated this a few times, then tech support got involved (another shower of gits) and it graduated to Real Big Fun as the best part of two man days was pissed up against the wall, since of course the computer would restart fine from a CD or with 'shift' held down to disable extensions (and startup items) and had absolutely no hardware or software faults.

Another top Mac knackerer used to be to rename a random file "StartupScreen" and stick it in the system folder. Not only would it spazz out and restart during boot, but it would display an amazing screen full of multi-coloured noise that just screamed "ha ha ha, I am permanently fucked".
(Wed 4th May 2005, 12:57, More)

» Kids say the shittiest things

Told
my nephew I'd been to the Paralympics. He asked me if I'd won anything.
(Fri 24th May 2013, 1:19, More)
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