» Spoilt Brats

So what would you like to do when you're older....?
....was one of the questions we were asked in one of those god-awful PSE lessons.

One girl replied "I'm going to be a businesswoman."

Oh really? What kind of business?

"Whatever my daddy buys me."

What happens if it goes bankrupt because you have no experience?

"Daddy will buy me another one."


Shame daddy didn't buy her some contraceptives...I think she's on child number three by father number three. She works in Tesco as a shelf stacker. I don't think she owns the place.
(Thu 9th Oct 2008, 18:49, More)

» Customers from Hell

Call centre joys
I worked for a motor insurance call centre. It was the shittiest job I ever had. Most hilarious conversation I ever had:

*phone rings*

"Hello, you're through to Bondy, how can I help?"

"I want to sue the council because my car got flooded when I drove into the really big puddle."

"Err, okay, How is it their fault?"

"They didn't put a sign up to say that there was a flood."

"So you drove into the massive, deep puddle and wrecked all the electrics in your car because there wasn't a sign to tell you not to?"

"I'm an ex-policeman, I know how these things work!"

...



It's not just the chavs that are completely fucking stupid, amazingly.
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 22:02, More)

» Customers from Hell

More call centre joys
I didn't take this call, but I overheard my friend take it. She was talking to a chap who had hit one of our policyholders.

"Sir, we're not protecting our policyholder just because he's British. We're helping him because he pays for the service."

[pause]

"No, sir, it has nothing to do with where you come from. You hit our policyholder, and now we have to pursue his interests."

[longer pause]

"Sir, you can't hit somebody's car just because you think they're taking too long to park..."


Much giggle stifling after that one :D
(Sun 7th Sep 2008, 8:56, More)

» Eccentrics

Run for the bus man
There's nothing like evangelical Christians.

As we only ever saw this chap either in the Tesco store where we worked, or running for the local bus, we named him Run for the Bus Man. I had many delightful encounters with him, as I had the pleasure of serving at the pleasure of the Tesco god.

- There was the time when he came up to my till, pointed at a stand of Harry Potter DVDs and shouted, 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?'. I didn't have the presence of mind to fake a heart attack, so I had to stand for twenty minutes whilst he ranted about how Harry Potter was evil because it had nothing to do with the Old Testament.

- He'd regularly come in on Saturday mornings just to rant at the lottery queue on the evils of gambling. He stopped after someone tried to strangle him, probably proving his point perfectly.

- Two days before Christmas, I'm sitting at my till in my Santa hat, feeling a bit jolly. Run for the Bus man comes up and tells me that Jesus was born in March and that everyone is stupid for celebrating Christmas when they do. Sucked the festive spirit right out of me, within the first five minutes of spittle-spraying insanity.

- He told my friend that cancer could be cured by eating grapes.

- Clubcards are apparently the Government's way of tracking everyone's diet. I'm not sure about Nectar points, I never asked.

- He liked to make sure that all the seats on the bus were filled in a particular order, and woe betide anyone who used their own initiative - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!

I eventually moved away from Suffolk and haven't seen him on my visits back to my parents' house. I wonder if he overdosed on grapes or something.
(Sat 1st Nov 2008, 17:48, More)

» Tightwads

Back in the days...
...when Dime bars were 10p (and still called Dime bars, not this 'Daim' malarkey) in the school tuck shop, my friend and I would walk around the corridors and playground to pick up any 1p and 2p coins on the ground, then scuttle off to claim our prize.

If we had a particularly good day, we'd get a Drifter and share it between us :D
(Sun 26th Oct 2008, 17:08, More)