'ning!


Previously: 1   2

And then...... 4
(Tue 2nd May 2006, 11:13, More)

» My first love

Hazy memory,
but I was about 5, just started school and her name was Claire. We loved each other, and i decided to show my love to her in the only way i knew how - I found a twig, dipped it in dog shit and wiped it on her jacket.

The school gave me detention for the rest of lunchtime. Funnily enough, we are not together any more.
(Fri 21st Oct 2005, 14:22, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

I've got a crush on a squirrel
but it's OK because it's not a normal squirrel, it's a squirrel with tits

*YIFF*
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 11:22, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Papa Brunton
We used to have a maths teacher, "Papa" who was married to our English teacher "Mama". She was an evil hell bitch, and he was very quiet and quite shy.

And he looked like Penfold.

Anyway, Papa had a metal plate in his head, for christ knows what reason, and he was a bit strange. When he got wound up, he used to stand at the front of the class and headbut the blackboard, which all of his classes used to fully encourage, by all humming quietly until he'd had enough, and started nutting away.

That is all. Oh no, it isn't..

Our Biology teacher and our plastic knee'd English teacher had a food fight in the canteen after Biology teacher mocked english teacher for being a vegetarian.
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 10:12, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Inbreeding
There were three girls who were at our high school, one in my year, size of a house, mentally a bit slow, and a couple in the years below, both disabled, one severely (who later died).

It was a well known fact (not just cruel playground gossip), that their dad and their grandad were the same person.

That's what happens when you live in the sticks.......
(Fri 19th Jan 2007, 12:17, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

My previous girlfriends mother
was a schizophrenic alchoholic mentalist.

When she used to come and stay with us, she would go out into the garden to have full blown conversations with herself, laughing away like there was no tomorrow. i used to watch her through the window, almost pissing myself with glee.

Anyway, I was going to the chinese to collect meals for my girlfriend, her mother, myself, my mate and his wife. it is a fourty mile round trip to the chinese, and after some severe driving on the way back, my mates chinese had tipped open onto the floor of the car (where the dog usually sits).

I gave my mate the mother in laws meal, and scooped up his meal off the floor and put it back into the container, along with the dog hair, dirt and all the other shite that collects on the floor of a car. the mother in law could have that.

She complained a bit when she didn't recieve the beef curry she expected, but accepted that "they must have fucked up my order in the chinese".

I struggled to contain my guffaws watching her eat her meal along with all the extras - i could see the dog hair on her plate, it's from a golden labrador for fucks sake - but she thoroughly enjoyed it. She then went into the garden to have a conversation with herself, no doubt about how nice it was.

I did make the mistake of telling my ex what I did, she wasn't best impressed, but she, as it turned out was a psycho hell bitch anyway, but that's a story for another time.
(Fri 9th Sep 2005, 14:25, More)