» Customers from Hell

chav walks into a bank
him: oy, i've got a cheque
her: yes? is it in your name?
him: yeah... can i, like, have some money for it?
her: um no... you have to open a bank account to do that
him: er, WHAT?!
her: yes
him: ah, bollocks
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 13:14, More)

» Accidental innuendo

a vicar of an acquaintance
apparently had a woman come to arrange to be married. he got out the book and asked for her name
"mycock", she said and he wrote it down, whilst secretly thinking "lucky she's getting married then"
then he asked for the name of her intended
...
"hiscock"
(Thu 19th Jun 2008, 12:45, More)

» Accidental innuendo

today, having a discussion about the relative merits of "the shining" and the simpsons version thereof...
"willy should really be black"

ALL: "that's what SHE said"
(Thu 19th Jun 2008, 0:38, More)

» Phobias

cotton wool
i don't know why, and i have actually met other people with the same problem, but i HATE cotton wool
handling it in any way or even watching people handling it, especially pulling it apart, gives me the shivers like nails down a blackboard
in fact, i'm getting them just thinking about it
even weirder, i don't mind it at all when it's wet, it's just the dry stuff that i can't stand
(Fri 11th Apr 2008, 14:29, More)

» Your first cigarette

i am a posh twat
the only thing i've ever smoked is part of a havana cigar
i was in a show at school, the cigar was needed as a prop, at the end we smoked it
trouble was, it had got so tattered through constant non-smoking during the show that it had had to be patched up with tape, glue, etc etc
the melting solvents gave it an extra kick, and probably also contributed to putting me off smoking for life
(Mon 24th Mar 2008, 23:39, More)