» Nativity Plays

My Brothers School
Luckily, maybe not for him, my brother went to a school for the blind.
They did amazing plays and all the parents would go and remark on how amazing these children (some with severe disabilities) were. However I was a heartless teenager with a taste for the darker side of humour.
My parents would ask every year would I like to go and watch and I would say "yes" as I would like to support my brother.
But I wasn’t there supporting my brother.....
I was there to witness some of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Young Children not counting their steps and flying off the front of the stage (into the crash mats they have put there expectantly).

Children singing follow the star and pointing in different directions.

Children walking into sets.

Children facing the wrong way.

Children dressed as various animals just going awol round the stage. (These tended to be the ones with more than just sight issues)

It was brilliant and my proud parents recorded the whole thing on video to watch again. Fun times.
(Thu 26th Mar 2009, 20:01, More)

» Bullies

Please Bully Us
Someone who was a friend who had some issues at home, and to boost his own ego began to bully me. The detail of this doesn’t really matter and at the time it hurt but I met him again about 5 years ago on a bus. He still tried to be top dog but the details of his life just made me laugh. He was balding (which at about 23 is fucking brilliant), his friends from school, who he was trying to impress so hard had abandoned him, he had no qualifications from school and the reason why he was on the bus was because the warehouse packing night job he went for told him the job didn’t exist when he went for the interview. (Probably because the stench of utter penis got to the employer before he did). He ended the conversation with he now hangs around with some of my old friends from school. Apparently ‘they weren’t dickheads anymore’ he told me. Chris, if they are friends with you and they know you feel like that, they still are.

Another Chap just took a dislike to me. I only bumped into him around town where he tried to take things from me, one day he tried to get me alone so he could stab me, all in all he was a cunt. I am sure he used to be like this with others so when I heard he got tortured in a flat for mugging a old lady and then fell 9 stories and broke every bone up to his chest .I was the happiest man alive. I still see him he tries to make out we were friends (and all the time I am thinking can I actually beat up a raspberry ripple and look dignified). The last time I saw him I was handing out disabled parking badges in one of my many jobs. He saw me behind the desk, grinning at him and decided he would get his freedom pass another day.

So please bully us we will just wait and laugh at you when we see you next you fucking losers!
(Sat 16th May 2009, 12:04, More)