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- a member for 1 year, 8 months and 6 days
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» Accidental innuendo
At Long last... my first post
... but it's true, nonetheless.
Returning to my home town of Redruth to get drunk with my former schoolmates (there's sod all else to do there) I wandered into my old local. There behind the bar was a pint sized firecraker of a young barmaid. All of five feet tall but a real raven-haired beauty. Smiley, friendly and a cute little face that's just begging to be spaffed over.
Gazing in awe upon seeing me, she asked
'My God, how tall are you?'
'Six foot seven' I answered (cos I am)
Her next line makes me smile to this day
'Wow! could you give me seven inches?'
I grinned like a skinned badger, my mates nudged each other whooping 'wha-hay', and the barmaid turned bright red and ran away. Bless.
I won't apologise for length, cos it really is that long.
(Sun 15th Jun 2008, 2:25, More)
At Long last... my first post
... but it's true, nonetheless.
Returning to my home town of Redruth to get drunk with my former schoolmates (there's sod all else to do there) I wandered into my old local. There behind the bar was a pint sized firecraker of a young barmaid. All of five feet tall but a real raven-haired beauty. Smiley, friendly and a cute little face that's just begging to be spaffed over.
Gazing in awe upon seeing me, she asked
'My God, how tall are you?'
'Six foot seven' I answered (cos I am)
Her next line makes me smile to this day
'Wow! could you give me seven inches?'
I grinned like a skinned badger, my mates nudged each other whooping 'wha-hay', and the barmaid turned bright red and ran away. Bless.
I won't apologise for length, cos it really is that long.
(Sun 15th Jun 2008, 2:25, More)
» Mobile phone disasters
Not funny, but it may help those with endampened phones.
Back in 2006 I'd reached the low point of my life and taken a job selling phone contracts for a high-street independent. (I didn't realise it was the low point until I'd taken the job. Meh)
Like many juiceheads I've had an unfortunate phone/urinal calamity but luckily as an insider I knew the 'Golden rule'. On no account, no matter how interesting the story (vibrating phone/Kylie's fudgetunnel fun) never EVER admit the phone has got wet/sticky/bumchutney-lagged.
'Oh it just stopped working for no reason' is the mantra of the enlightened. You should be entitled to swoppage - a nice shiny dry phone with a box to return your inexplicably defunct handset - and by the time the wallet-raping fuckwads receive your piss-sodden handset back it's too late.
I shared this nugget with any unfortunates who crossed my path. Living in West Cornwall where everyone is a fisherman, permanently drunk or from the Baltic States (or combination thereof) the shop I managed quickly became the nationwide record holder for phones which 'just broke'
It's worth a try, although the wallet-rapists may have caught on, thanks to muggins here.
Length? About 3 months, then I was sacked on the spot by the managing director who 'just turned up in my shop'. I can't think why that was.
(Sat 1st Aug 2009, 0:57, More)
Not funny, but it may help those with endampened phones.
Back in 2006 I'd reached the low point of my life and taken a job selling phone contracts for a high-street independent. (I didn't realise it was the low point until I'd taken the job. Meh)
Like many juiceheads I've had an unfortunate phone/urinal calamity but luckily as an insider I knew the 'Golden rule'. On no account, no matter how interesting the story (vibrating phone/Kylie's fudgetunnel fun) never EVER admit the phone has got wet/sticky/bumchutney-lagged.
'Oh it just stopped working for no reason' is the mantra of the enlightened. You should be entitled to swoppage - a nice shiny dry phone with a box to return your inexplicably defunct handset - and by the time the wallet-raping fuckwads receive your piss-sodden handset back it's too late.
I shared this nugget with any unfortunates who crossed my path. Living in West Cornwall where everyone is a fisherman, permanently drunk or from the Baltic States (or combination thereof) the shop I managed quickly became the nationwide record holder for phones which 'just broke'
It's worth a try, although the wallet-rapists may have caught on, thanks to muggins here.
Length? About 3 months, then I was sacked on the spot by the managing director who 'just turned up in my shop'. I can't think why that was.
(Sat 1st Aug 2009, 0:57, More)