Profile for Roo-oo-oo-ta:
In honour of my 1st b3taday, I thought I ought to put a bit of info. So here goes: I'm a Scouse bird. I like the 80s. I like trivia. I like teh fluff and teh laughs. If you want to know what I look like, gaz me. I'm too paranoid to tell the world and his wife that I waste most of my life and spill most of my thoughts on OT.
Bert thinks I'm irrelevant.
Ta Noel!
I'm not massive, but they are.
BGB did this.
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In honour of my 1st b3taday, I thought I ought to put a bit of info. So here goes: I'm a Scouse bird. I like the 80s. I like trivia. I like teh fluff and teh laughs. If you want to know what I look like, gaz me. I'm too paranoid to tell the world and his wife that I waste most of my life and spill most of my thoughts on OT.
Bert thinks I'm irrelevant.
Ta Noel!
I'm not massive, but they are.
BGB did this.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» The most childish thing you've done as an adult
Anti-Poppins
For some strange reason I'm popular with the children of my friends. For some even stranger reason, my friends are cool with this. They ask me to babysit, they invite me to sleepovers, they don't complain when I teach their children swear-words or fall asleep on the floor with my head on the dog while I'm supposed to be supervising.
This is not without benefits, such as access to Sky and free takeaway when I babysit, an excuse to go and see Coraline or Bolt 3-D without looking like a prat, and so on.
Anyway, one day, we'd all been to a pantomime, and I decided to descend the stairs by sliding down the banister ('Vicar in a Tutu' playing in my head as I did so). Not a big deal, not particularly adventurous, I just felt like it. The kids, however, were hysterical. They thought it was hilarious. One of them, Lily, has a particular fear of authority and of rule-breaking, so she was amused, but also a bit nervous. I said, "Oh Lil, it's fine. What are they gonna do? Shout at me? Look, I'll do it again. I don't care." (I was a nerd in school, so it is with these 8-11 year olds that I am finally able to appear cool and rebellious, for once in my life.)
So off I went again, sliding down the bannister and shouting "Wheeee!" as I went. The kids were off, "Again Roota, again!" "This is simple", I thought, "Simple and a lot of fun..." so I kept on doing it. So fast at one point that I scorched my Mackintosh. Oh yes. (The mark is still there on my cheap polyester primark mack.) Eventually I grew tired of this and told them that was enough.
Suddenly, Lily, (the one who is always good, and has such a fear of getting into trouble that she even checks for double-yellows when her mother has parked the car) thought it would be funny to PRETEND that she too was about to slide down the bannisters. She clearly had no intentions of actually letting go and descending the stairs in such a break with convention and flagrant disrespect for general order. No. She merely sat on the bannister, took ONE foot off the floor and said "Wheeeee!" She then promptly put her foot back down and began to walk away.
At this very moment, a theatre employee came along. A very officious woman with an A-line skirt and cankles that demanded our deference.She sees little Lily, just leaving her 'slide-down-the-bannisters' pose. "What do you think you're doing, young lady? I hope you're not going to slide down that. You might injure yourself or somebody else on the stairs!" Lily is crest-fallen. How could somebody accuse her of such a thing? She'd never do anything like that. In fact the only person who'd do something like that is her deranged Aunty Roota, who is surely going to bail her out, and maybe even confess, in order to divert this negative attention from this uber-usherette. Surely?
Nope. I gave a calm smile, patted Lily's head, looked at Cankles and said (not very convincingly) "I'm sure she wouldn't reeeeallly have done that..."
Lily did not grass me up, and got a telling off in the bargain. I felt terrible. "What if she burst out crying?? What if she cries all the way to her mum and tells her what a complete piglet I've been? What if I get my arse kicked by all of the parents??" It was my turn to panic.
Until I looked down at Lily, who gave me a big, beaming grin and proudly declared "She thinks I'm naughty!" I returned the grin and said "Yeah, and she thinks I'M a responsible adult!"
Lily's 11 now, and she's brilliant. I hope we stay mates and that one day when she's a grown-up we can go out, get drunk and slide down bannisters together.
Length? Long, and made of polished brass.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 17:19, More)
Anti-Poppins
For some strange reason I'm popular with the children of my friends. For some even stranger reason, my friends are cool with this. They ask me to babysit, they invite me to sleepovers, they don't complain when I teach their children swear-words or fall asleep on the floor with my head on the dog while I'm supposed to be supervising.
This is not without benefits, such as access to Sky and free takeaway when I babysit, an excuse to go and see Coraline or Bolt 3-D without looking like a prat, and so on.
Anyway, one day, we'd all been to a pantomime, and I decided to descend the stairs by sliding down the banister ('Vicar in a Tutu' playing in my head as I did so). Not a big deal, not particularly adventurous, I just felt like it. The kids, however, were hysterical. They thought it was hilarious. One of them, Lily, has a particular fear of authority and of rule-breaking, so she was amused, but also a bit nervous. I said, "Oh Lil, it's fine. What are they gonna do? Shout at me? Look, I'll do it again. I don't care." (I was a nerd in school, so it is with these 8-11 year olds that I am finally able to appear cool and rebellious, for once in my life.)
So off I went again, sliding down the bannister and shouting "Wheeee!" as I went. The kids were off, "Again Roota, again!" "This is simple", I thought, "Simple and a lot of fun..." so I kept on doing it. So fast at one point that I scorched my Mackintosh. Oh yes. (The mark is still there on my cheap polyester primark mack.) Eventually I grew tired of this and told them that was enough.
Suddenly, Lily, (the one who is always good, and has such a fear of getting into trouble that she even checks for double-yellows when her mother has parked the car) thought it would be funny to PRETEND that she too was about to slide down the bannisters. She clearly had no intentions of actually letting go and descending the stairs in such a break with convention and flagrant disrespect for general order. No. She merely sat on the bannister, took ONE foot off the floor and said "Wheeeee!" She then promptly put her foot back down and began to walk away.
At this very moment, a theatre employee came along. A very officious woman with an A-line skirt and cankles that demanded our deference.She sees little Lily, just leaving her 'slide-down-the-bannisters' pose. "What do you think you're doing, young lady? I hope you're not going to slide down that. You might injure yourself or somebody else on the stairs!" Lily is crest-fallen. How could somebody accuse her of such a thing? She'd never do anything like that. In fact the only person who'd do something like that is her deranged Aunty Roota, who is surely going to bail her out, and maybe even confess, in order to divert this negative attention from this uber-usherette. Surely?
Nope. I gave a calm smile, patted Lily's head, looked at Cankles and said (not very convincingly) "I'm sure she wouldn't reeeeallly have done that..."
Lily did not grass me up, and got a telling off in the bargain. I felt terrible. "What if she burst out crying?? What if she cries all the way to her mum and tells her what a complete piglet I've been? What if I get my arse kicked by all of the parents??" It was my turn to panic.
Until I looked down at Lily, who gave me a big, beaming grin and proudly declared "She thinks I'm naughty!" I returned the grin and said "Yeah, and she thinks I'M a responsible adult!"
Lily's 11 now, and she's brilliant. I hope we stay mates and that one day when she's a grown-up we can go out, get drunk and slide down bannisters together.
Length? Long, and made of polished brass.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 17:19, More)
» Pubs
When working as a barmaid...
I was being hassled by a drunken moron of a scally. He was becoming increasingly aggressive (I even had to close the hatch - we never closed the hatch) and I was starting to worry.
Then he started his rant. There were no gaps between his words, so it was a bit like that Pepsi advert, you know the one: "lipsmackinthirstquenchin" etc etc.
"Eh you ye bitch I know it was you who refused me that drink I saw ye go up ter the manager before pretendin you wuzn't talkin bout me but ye was I should jump over that baaaar and do you in ye know ye fucking bitch you look like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction THAT'S A COMPLIMENT BY THE WAY ye snotty fuckin who d'ye think yer aaaare"
and then he left.
I didn't thank him for the compliment. I was too stunned.
Have you noticed that 'barmaid' comes up as 'carnage' on predictive text.
That was my first post. Go easy on me. Or don't. That might be fun too...
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 10:31, More)
When working as a barmaid...
I was being hassled by a drunken moron of a scally. He was becoming increasingly aggressive (I even had to close the hatch - we never closed the hatch) and I was starting to worry.
Then he started his rant. There were no gaps between his words, so it was a bit like that Pepsi advert, you know the one: "lipsmackinthirstquenchin" etc etc.
"Eh you ye bitch I know it was you who refused me that drink I saw ye go up ter the manager before pretendin you wuzn't talkin bout me but ye was I should jump over that baaaar and do you in ye know ye fucking bitch you look like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction THAT'S A COMPLIMENT BY THE WAY ye snotty fuckin who d'ye think yer aaaare"
and then he left.
I didn't thank him for the compliment. I was too stunned.
Have you noticed that 'barmaid' comes up as 'carnage' on predictive text.
That was my first post. Go easy on me. Or don't. That might be fun too...
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 10:31, More)
» Teenage Crushes - Part Two
Harry Connick, Jr.
When he sings Danny Boy in Memphis Belle I get wet.
When I was a nipper, I thought he had it all. The southern charm, an the accent, the crooning, the big nose.
I memorised the little talky bits inbetween songs on his live video.
I dragged my mother to see him when he played the local theatre, because not one of my friends would go.
I wept when he married 'that Jill one'.
I made a keyring with his picture on (do you KNOW how infrequently he popped up in Big magazine? He was no Christian Slater, let me tell you...)
And recently I found a little picture in my old room at my parent's house.
It is now on my bookcase, for all to see. I still love Harry.
(Thu 5th Nov 2009, 11:52, More)
Harry Connick, Jr.
When he sings Danny Boy in Memphis Belle I get wet.
When I was a nipper, I thought he had it all. The southern charm, an the accent, the crooning, the big nose.
I memorised the little talky bits inbetween songs on his live video.
I dragged my mother to see him when he played the local theatre, because not one of my friends would go.
I wept when he married 'that Jill one'.
I made a keyring with his picture on (do you KNOW how infrequently he popped up in Big magazine? He was no Christian Slater, let me tell you...)
And recently I found a little picture in my old room at my parent's house.
It is now on my bookcase, for all to see. I still love Harry.
(Thu 5th Nov 2009, 11:52, More)
» Tramps
plink-a-plink
There's a tramp in Liverpool who is known as Jacko (his name's actually Jackie). He has a cardboard cut-out of a guitar. He strums it and says "plink-a-plink" as he does so. Occasionally someone or other gets him a super-duper laminated cardboard guitar with his name on.
He told me I'm going to marry a bank manager.
(Thu 2nd Jul 2009, 16:01, More)
plink-a-plink
There's a tramp in Liverpool who is known as Jacko (his name's actually Jackie). He has a cardboard cut-out of a guitar. He strums it and says "plink-a-plink" as he does so. Occasionally someone or other gets him a super-duper laminated cardboard guitar with his name on.
He told me I'm going to marry a bank manager.
(Thu 2nd Jul 2009, 16:01, More)
» Sexual fetishes
I've recently been corrupted.
Well, a few months ago anyway.
It started with me telling him my dentist fantasies. (I could have done a whole post on that, but other people have already posted far more eloquently than I could ever have done on that very topic.)
It culminated in him admitting he was well into the whole pain and chains thing, that he knew exactly how to dominate me,then coming round to mine with a bag of tricks, tying me up and doing awful and wonderful things to me.
There's no turning back. I only have a vague idea what's in store for me every time we get together.
We do have lots of vanilla sex too. So nur.
Oh, and has anyone got a drill I can borrow? ;-)
(Fri 23rd Oct 2009, 13:30, More)
I've recently been corrupted.
Well, a few months ago anyway.
It started with me telling him my dentist fantasies. (I could have done a whole post on that, but other people have already posted far more eloquently than I could ever have done on that very topic.)
It culminated in him admitting he was well into the whole pain and chains thing, that he knew exactly how to dominate me,then coming round to mine with a bag of tricks, tying me up and doing awful and wonderful things to me.
There's no turning back. I only have a vague idea what's in store for me every time we get together.
We do have lots of vanilla sex too. So nur.
Oh, and has anyone got a drill I can borrow? ;-)
(Fri 23rd Oct 2009, 13:30, More)