Profile for Cylon Bum Raider:
Not even God knows what you're doing.
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- a member for 1 year, 1 month and 19 days
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- has posted 9 stories and 16 replies on question of the week
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Not even God knows what you're doing.
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
» Tramps
Regent Street
We'd been out for a lovely chinese for my friends birthday. Lots of drinks and merriment all round. What we saw whilst stumbling home topped off the night (for me anyway):
A homeless chap next to a very large sign stating:
"Crazy Johnny plays the hits"
Which he was doing.
With a large traffic cone as a trumpet.
Whatever these "hits" were, only he'd heard them.
I gave him all the change in my pocket.
Best tramp ever.
(Thu 2nd Jul 2009, 16:57, More)
Regent Street
We'd been out for a lovely chinese for my friends birthday. Lots of drinks and merriment all round. What we saw whilst stumbling home topped off the night (for me anyway):
A homeless chap next to a very large sign stating:
"Crazy Johnny plays the hits"
Which he was doing.
With a large traffic cone as a trumpet.
Whatever these "hits" were, only he'd heard them.
I gave him all the change in my pocket.
Best tramp ever.
(Thu 2nd Jul 2009, 16:57, More)
» Family codes and rituals
Distracting my mum from the television
The woman zones out completely whilst watching tv and so I keep talking, making up outrageous lies until she pays attention to me.
"Mum...mum...mum..Do you want a cup of tea?...I love horses...mum...the chimneys on fire...mum...mum...I'm going to masturbate into the bathroom curtains"
"What was that dear?"
"Cup of tea?"
(Tue 25th Nov 2008, 16:29, More)
Distracting my mum from the television
The woman zones out completely whilst watching tv and so I keep talking, making up outrageous lies until she pays attention to me.
"Mum...mum...mum..Do you want a cup of tea?...I love horses...mum...the chimneys on fire...mum...mum...I'm going to masturbate into the bathroom curtains"
"What was that dear?"
"Cup of tea?"
(Tue 25th Nov 2008, 16:29, More)
» God
Slightly toff opic
but my uncle, a few years back, was racing round the local church and hurdling the gravestones.
It all came to a stop when he landed on top of a rather elderly couple who were engaged in a arthritic game of Hide the Sausage.
I imagine the Lord's name was invoked at that point.
Length? He couldn't see in the dark.
(Wed 25th Mar 2009, 13:58, More)
Slightly toff opic
but my uncle, a few years back, was racing round the local church and hurdling the gravestones.
It all came to a stop when he landed on top of a rather elderly couple who were engaged in a arthritic game of Hide the Sausage.
I imagine the Lord's name was invoked at that point.
Length? He couldn't see in the dark.
(Wed 25th Mar 2009, 13:58, More)
» I'm going to Hell...
Not just me
But my entire halls of residence floor plus girlfriends and other hangers on who were with us in the pub that day.
We'd just got back from the summer holidays and were all in the pub in sunny Stoke when a coach stopped at the lights outside. A large coach. A large coach full of mentally disabled individuals. One of who was rocking slowly.
We tried to hold it in. We really did. I made the mistake of looking at my mate who had gone bright red and making a sound like a kettle.
That was it.
We laughed. And we couldn't stop.
Length? About an hours before I could breathe properly.
(Wed 17th Dec 2008, 10:47, More)
Not just me
But my entire halls of residence floor plus girlfriends and other hangers on who were with us in the pub that day.
We'd just got back from the summer holidays and were all in the pub in sunny Stoke when a coach stopped at the lights outside. A large coach. A large coach full of mentally disabled individuals. One of who was rocking slowly.
We tried to hold it in. We really did. I made the mistake of looking at my mate who had gone bright red and making a sound like a kettle.
That was it.
We laughed. And we couldn't stop.
Length? About an hours before I could breathe properly.
(Wed 17th Dec 2008, 10:47, More)