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» I'm an expert

I am good at spooning shit from dead people.
The was my first job after uni.

*fact* I am a qualified shit spooner.
(Sat 25th Jun 2005, 0:00, More)

» Near Death Experiences

I went canyoning in Switzerland in 1999
It was a nice day in Interlaken. We did a bungee jump and some jumping off rocks into rivers and pools. It was a lot of fun.

One day later there was a disaster which killed 21 people. The river flooded and washed everyone away, including our guides.

Later still, they put the wrong rope on the bungee and someone died of a very sore head.
(Tue 30th Nov 2004, 13:00, More)

» Petty Sabotage

After cooking a chicken....
...I stripped the meat off it and wondered what to do with the carcass. I was at uni at the time and practical jokes were the order of the day.

I wandered into the laundry and turned off a washing machine. Waited two minute until the door could be opened, popped the chicken in and restarted the cycle.

You cannot imagine what a greasy mashed up chicken looks like at 200rpm.

The clothes were all ruined.

Sorry Alasdair.
(Thu 5th May 2005, 20:36, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

celery is proper minging
as is tinned spaghetti, raviola, hoops

the smell of cheap tinned pasta in that horrible sauce makes me gag.

But the worst thing is MARGARINE. Buy butter you pikey cunts, margarine is fucking disgusting, if you can't tell the difference you are a think fucking mong.
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 11:10, More)