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» Top Tips

Trouble making friends?
Simply kidnap complete strangers off the street and eventually Stockholm syndrome might kick in

Even if it doesn't at least you're occupied
(Sat 28th Feb 2009, 13:56, More)

» Darwin Awards

Back in my younger days...
... I was quite the go-getter. I'd flirt with numerous ladies, (some quite older than me) and would generally cause a ruckus at the military academy I was enrolled in.

Anyway, my friend always played this game like snooker or billiards in the recreational area. One day, this foreign guy came up, speaking in this really drawn-out, deep voice, saying how funny it was that someone like him could play this game, and that he'd like to challenge him at it. He was quite intimidating, but my friend wouldn't refuse a challenge.

After my friend lost, he wanted a re-match. I REALLY tried to stop it going ahead, but this foreign guy and his two friends eventually came back to the rec room to challenge my friend. I warned them both off, and the guy ended up insulting not only my friend but me too. He called me a coward, to which I responded with a hefty punch. Three of these large, imposing, scary-looking (and physically stronger) guys against me, my friend and my female friend. Despite a few good blows, I was eventually subdued. Well, I say subdued, but I was stabbed through the back with a knife and had to have a fake heart implanted. I had a good laugh about it at the time though.

The moral of the story: Never, ever challenge a Nausicaan to dom-jot. Or at least let your starfleet buddies take care of their own mess.

Sincerely, Jean-Luc Picard.
(Tue 17th Feb 2009, 12:19, More)

» Top Tips

When arguing against evolution...
make a point of bringing up
"If we're evolved from monkeys, why aren't monkeys extinct?"

It's a very good launching point for correcting your obvious lack of knowledge regarding the subject.
(Sun 29th Mar 2009, 3:24, More)

» Top Tips

Scared of needles?
Simply ask to be knocked out via intravenous injection, then have them stick you while you're unconscious. (Gas masks aren't as effective.)

Alternatively die a slow and painful death through lack of diagnosis/proper medical treatment.
(Tue 17th Mar 2009, 13:27, More)

» Top Tips

Psychics on TV...
... make sure you keep up the guise of really being a psychic when asked by the producers off-camera. There's a slight chance they'll be gullible enough to believe you and end the program on a "who really knows?" rather than "psychics are total bullshit" note.
(Sun 15th Mar 2009, 21:12, More)
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