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"Orange, Hitler, Racist, Liar"

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(Fri 19th Jan 2018, 0:18, More)

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(Wed 7th Aug 2013, 23:25, More)

Venn vill he realise....

(Thu 24th Dec 2009, 0:07, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Schadenfreude

Chili night
Rick, my work mate, seems a pretty normal guy. Keeps himself to himself most of the time so it was quite surprising to hear him tell this story that kinda changed our opinion of him.

He was on his way home from on a (previous job's) works do and was at a London station waiting for his train. He overheard an elderly gentleman ask a scallywag nearby to pick up the litter that he'd just dropped.
"Fuck off" was the reply this gent got. Not happy (although obviosuly fairly "merry") Rick thought that this youngster wasn't showing enough respect.
"Oi. Don't talk to someone like that.. Have some respect"
"Sorry mate, you talking to me?"
As the young chav approached and shoved Rick, Rick hit out and struck him on the jaw.
The chav backed off and went round a corner.

A few minutes later, Rick's train came in, but as he was about to get on he saw the lad return but this time with 2 bigger guys.
The choices were apparent:
* get on train and hide
* confront them

Not only did he (unsurprisingly) decide to confront them, he thought he should just steam straight in rather than risk being caught off-guard.
So steam in he did.
Right into this lad and the 2 plain-clothed policeman that the lad had reported the earlier scuffle to.

Needless to say he spent the night in the cells but was allowed home when he'd explained his actions and sobered up.

We don't drink that often with Rick. (or Rickll and Hyde, as he is know in these parts)
(Sat 19th Dec 2009, 0:45, More)

» Sex Toys

Derek and Clive live on
A girlfriend of mine when I lived in South London was a bit of a goer. She used to have this big black rubber dildo; one with the balls on that could help it stand up by itself. She used to bang herself with it when I was away on business/at pub etc.
We used to use it together occasionally (no, never on me thankfully) and she used to love to shove it all the way up. Once it was all the way in with the black rubber testicles stopping it going any further, she'd get me to try to push it further in (even tho the blackballs were preventing it from happening) as it made her go a little flushed if you know what I mean.
After a while, rather than just puch it, I started hitting the base of it and she fucking loved it. We did this for a quite while and then progressed onto the bit that still makes me laugh to this day.
We would insert it then she'd stand up with her legs apart and I would gently (at first) kick the bottom of it.
As I stood there stark-bollock naked, swinging my leg toward her full snatch, all I could ever think to myself was "I'm the number one cunt-kicker in the world"
Ah, happy days.
(Tue 22nd May 2012, 20:39, More)

» Anonymous

Chocolate coins
Sometimes, normally in January as there's some left over from Christmas, I leave the smaller gold coloured 1-coin-size chocolate coins in the "returned coins" trays of vending machines (ticket machines, drinks machines etc)

Makes me wonder if the person who just grabs his change and pockets it, ever wonders how the hell a chocolate coin got into his pocket.

I also wonder if they ever try to spend it without realising.
(Tue 19th Jan 2010, 14:57, More)

» Why will you burn in hell?

We (me and a few mates) will burn in hell for telling a little porky-pie to one of my mates 11yo brother.

He asked what the DSV stood for in SeaQuest DSV. We told him that it stood for Downs Syndrome Victims and that the crew (not the cast) were all made up of people suffering from Downs.

We're not proud at all.
(Fri 13th Jul 2012, 11:35, More)

» Babysitters

I am not a babysitter as such...
...but I was looking after my cousins during the day. I was about 16, they were 5 and 3.

We were playing in the garden and I was taking it in turns to hold their hands and swing them round fast, eventually putting them back on the ground to see the dizzying effects.

The elder cousin (the girl) was loving it and laughing when she was all wobbly. The younger one (the boy) just cried when I finished.

And he cried some more. He cried lots in fact and wouldn't stop crying.
He was still crying a few hours later when his parent's arrived home.

Eventually a trip to the hospital revealed that my super-fast spinning and resulting centrifugal force had dislocated his elbow.

I guess they don't make 3 year olds like they used to.
(Thu 28th Oct 2010, 12:56, More)
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